silver bells

As the year proceeds towards festivity, I'm once again amazed at how fast time flies. Just yesterday, I was walking along Orchard, wondering what to buy for Xmas pressies. And today, it's time for me to do that again...

For the past few months, I have been very very busy with work - in a good way. Once my momentum is worked up, I find my passion coming back again :D Maybe I'm fated to be a slogaholic :p After all, this is the best time of my life to slog...since I really doubt if this energy and passion will last me till I'm 40.

I don't really have anything material on my Xmas wishlist this year. Maybe coz...I'm pretty happy with what I have in my life, and I dun demand much materially :p *But that certainly doesn't mean I won't want...>:)

So...this Xmas...I wish for more moola (!), more happiness and more health for myself, family and loved ones :D

Kissing you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jt-NwAA3Wvo

Pride can stand a thousand trials
The strong will never fall
But watching stars without you
My soul cries

Heaving heart is full of pain
Oooh, oooh, the aching
'Cause I'm kissing you, oooh I'm kissing you, oooh

Touch me deep, pure and true
Give to me forever
'Cause I'm kissing you, oooh I'm kissing you, oooh

Where are you now
Where are you now
'Cause I'm kissing you I'm kissing you, oooh

lost and found

The deepest memories I had of you were those which you agreed to cover up for me when I played traunt...and stayed behind with me when I was detained to tell me about your teenage years.

You who gave me your house number and asked me to call, you who didn't mind when I skipped your music classes, you...who was always so jovial.

Sadly, I did not remember you leaving the school. I don't remember why I stopped saying hi. I don't remember what happened to us. I don't even remember when was the last time I saw you. I think...we just drifted, as with most teacher-student bonding.

I thought I saw you again at the concert. That laughter, so familiar. I didn't dare to say hi..hehe. I took a gamble and emailed a Lisa I found online...attached with a husband's surname. And...to my surprise, you replied! The same old you. In fact, without asking more questions, you gave me your mobile :p

Friends are hard to come by as we grow older. Lost friends...are even harder to be found. I'm glad I found you, Miss L :D

heartbreak view

i'm aching again
i don't know why
you are always that extra mile
that special touch
that unique one

i know to keep you at length
it hurts when you can't see
can't feel
with your heart somewhere else
it's aching again

i thought of those magic moments
butterflies fluttering within
was it just me?
i thought i saw your soul
no...it's just me

you are hurting
i know it since we met
your smile i saw
wasn't meant for me, no
your love i saw

never meant to be, no

飛越在夢中

Can anyone remember the first segment of the Mystery series? I can.

And it's not solely coz of Madeline Chu :p it's also coz of the butterflies :(

I know it sounds corny, but I sorta subconciously developed butterflobia from the show...and so did a lot of my friends and fellow Gen-X-ers...

If Mediacorp (then SBC) were to pride themselves on a sucessful campaign, I bet nothing will beat their "develop-butterflobia-in-track-record-time!" initiative :p

Dazequeen just exclaimed over dinner that she's still afraid of butterflies. SL, slightly more immune, cringes only at butterflies so big that she can make out their segments and eyes :-s *grotesque!

Anyway, over the years, I have become more tolerant of them. But I don't think there will ever be a day where I can stand and admire their beauty as specimens..though I should be able to walk amongst flowers as they dance in a pair. Any numeral larger than a pair will probably send me gingerly walking away - unless of course Madeline Chu is in the area :D

PS: I can't find lyrics to 飛越在夢中...is it already obsolete? Maybe I should email MediaCorp :p

Getaway

Came across a link on short trips in US...

http://www.theshadydell.com/index.html

Looks cool...but def not on a summer day :p autumn would be just nice ;)

My 5

I have always envisioned Heaven to be a place without pain, without suffering, without hurt.....without earthly love. I have been told that we would all have a mansion of our own in Heaven. I have always envisioned that I would be lonely if I ever got to Heaven.

What if the love is so strong that it follows me to Heaven? What if I never learnt how to let go?

What if I were to meet my loved ones, only to have them leave me again?

"When he moved his head back, she was old once again, the web of lines beside her eyes, the looser skin beneath her chin. She smiled and he smiled, and she was, to him, as beautiful as ever, and he closed his eyes and said for the first time what he'd been feeling from the moment he saw her again: "I don't want to go on. I want to stay here." When he opened his eyes, his arms still held her shape, but she was gone, and so was everything else."

Love is not about how thin you should be, love is not about how pretty you look next to me, love is not about how well you fit into my arms.

Love is about how you continue to look good in my eyes, love is about how close we are even when we remain silent, love is about how I know you like your eggs done....love is about how comfortable we are just spending time together.

"With her, he wanted only time - more and more time - and he was granted it, nighttimes and daytimes and nighttimes again."

Time does not work against love, it works with love. As time goes by, love simply takes on a different form. Even when I can no longer see your smile, or bring you food, or tousle your hair. When senses weaken, memory becomes my partner.

"Life has to end, Love doesn't"

Change Agent

Being the change agent is challenging, is tough, is exciting...is tiring.

I had a tough time trying to convince VM Bimbo today. I almost threw myself against the wall. I used logic, I used industry standards, I used best practices, I used governance. I used everything I could within reasoning. She still refused to budge.

First, she told me to convince the rest of the team, more than once - to which I eventually replied, I have already. Then she said that she simply don't agree. If things have to be done, let it come down from the top. OMG. I almost fainted. I think she really forgot what delegation and teamwork is all about. If things have to always come down from the top, I bet no one would be at the top at all.

I changed my approach. I became concerned about her. "So what's your concern?" "I want to hear it, I care about everyone's opinion." Then she opened her tightly clamped mouth and quoted me 2 concerns. One really isn't a concern, while the other could be addressed.

#16 then came along, and started nodding away as I spoke. I related VM Bimbo's concerns to her, and she started telling VM Bimbo - in nicer terms - to get out of her shell, and stop being so resistant to changes. I couldn't use stronger words to remind her that we have already agreed on the action plan, so move on, and stop being such a shackle.

I'm glad that tigress and #16 have been so supportive. Maybe if my key role was to play change agent, it won't be so tiring. Instead, I'm multi-tasking like a circus clown juggling 16 colored balls.

I just hope that I would be able to catch all balls at the end of the show and bow out gracefully.

退后

-退后-

天空灰的像哭过
离开你以后
并没有更自由

想象的空气
守住我们的距离
一幕醉心的结局
像呼吸般无法停息

抽屉泛黄的日记
找到了回忆
那笑容是傻气

你我的过去
被诠释真的忘记
缺氧过后的爱情
存心的眼泪是多余

我知道你我都没有错
只是忘了怎么退后
信誓旦旦给的承诺
全被时间扑了空

我知道我们都没有错
只是放手会比较好过
最美的爱情回忆里带去

missing...

Whenever I pass by Orchard MRT, I would drift to the "missing persons" bulletin. As I gaze at the ads, I wonder to myself how and why they went missing. Were they abducted? Did they leave on their own will? Were they sad to leave behind their loved ones?

A vivid scene flashes across my mind.

White flowers, organ playing, priest at the pulpit. Coffin. I see familiar faces. Slowly, as the scene zooms into focus, I see my friends, my loved ones.

I see a few sobbing, some with their heads hung low, while others whispered in low voices. No loud wails.

Why? Why did it happen? How did it happen? I don't have any recollection of what took place. I started to wave at my loved ones, trying to get their attention, wanting to ask them questions. No one took notice of me.

Wasted, I slumped into a seat next to you. You were tearing, and mumbling. As I listen, I realised you were mumbling about me. About the times we spent together, about what you should have told me when I was still in your life. It never occured to me that I mattered much to you.

As the priest closed his speech, I see a queue forming in front of the coffin. Everyone had a white flower in their hand. Except you. You had a sunflower in yours.

As I moved closer, I see you softly place the flower on me, whispering: "Thank you for the joy you brought to my life. I never realised your stroke of humour meant so much to me. Let this sunflower represent what we had, and accompany you on your date with Big Brother."

I teared. Heart broken, wishing for more time, I turned towards the rainbow. Leaving behind love, and memories.

the day i was borned

On the day that I was borned...

I wish for more happiness, health and moola for me and my loved ones :D

My regrets III

The forbidden fruit is always very tempting. But few would really fight for it. I did once, and it was bittersweet, and very heart-wrenching.

_________________________________________________________

A friend came up to me one day and called you a haughty bitch. That was the first time I set my eyes on you. Out of fun and boredom, I told her I would definitely make you fall for me.

The friend introduced you to me...and I started hanging around you, teasing you when you were on the phone, asking you out. You finally agreed to go out with me, and we went to a library. My mind was never once on the books while we were there. We ended up exploring other "sections" behind the shelves :p

We continued our illicit affair for about a month, and you dropped the bombshell one day. You told me you already have a boyfriend, and you felt really bad and guilty for the past month. You said it had been difficult for you and you have to break it off with the both of us. I was an impulse for you - an impulse that you will never forget.

I accepted the parting, and felt a loss that I didn't want to when I made that bet with my friend. Nevertheless, I moved on...to one of your juniors, and then subsequently to M*.

It was in the same year you left, when I caught chicken pox. I got so bored at home, I started calling you again. Most of the times you reject my calls, while for those you answered, you made me wait up to 3 hours on the second line. Sometimes, it's really disappointing to see that you are not reciprocrating like other girls would. But just a few times, when you blew hot, the fire kept me going. That year, you sent me a huge birthday card and 2 of your latest pictures. I started asking you out again.

Whenever we were out, I always had an urge to hold you in my arms, but most of the times I restrained myself. Once or twice, you did let me hold you. Out of the numerous times I asked you to be with me, never once did you agree. I struggled with myself for a long while, before I decided maybe it's time to let you go. I chose an egoistic way to do so. I told you about my r/s with M* over the phone.

You fell silent for close to half an hour. And when you finally spoke, your first words were, "you are two-timing me". That's when I knew you were mine. The first time I kissed you, you cried very hard. I was quite puzzled, and didn't know why...until much later, when a friend who didn't know you heard about our story, and told me that it was because you crossed a very big emotional hurdle for me.

Our first year together was the happiest. You spent time reforming me, coaching me in my studies, bringing me back on track and I realised my most dreamt-about dream - being with you. You were a very ambitious and independent girl, but towards me, you yielded and gave your all. You were very insecured about M*, about the fact that she was my classmate, and that we saw each other everyday. I tried with all my might to give you assurance. When M* finally left for Australia, I knew you were elated.

We were almost perfect. In our second year, you wanted more from me. More promises, more commitment. I gave them all, trusting that you only wanted the best for me, for us. You couldn't get along well with Empress Dowager, and I suffered quite a bit being sandwiched between you. Your lack of punctuality also started to antagonise me - I could wait up to 2 hours at your block for you. Nevertheless, we pressed on, hoping one day things would change, and I would also take on a different persona.

Late into our second year, you posed an odd question to me. "If I were to leave you someday, get married to someone else and bump into you say 10 years down the road, would you want me still?" I thought for a long while, and replied "Well, if you were to leave me to marry someone else, why would you still want me?" You said, "Most of the time, we don't marry the one we love" To that I replied, "I guess it depends on who I'm with at that point in time then..." I could see your disappointment in my answer. To please you, I agreed to go after you again. You made me promise to perserve and go after you again if you were to ever leave me. You also said that if we got together for a 3rd time, it would be forever.

In our last year together, more cracks appeared. You got more insecured, esp. with my girl friends. Whenever I went out with a girl, you would tag along. Your countinuous enemity with Empress Dowager caused me much distress as well. Your expectations of me to attain certain achievements by a certain age didn't help things either. You being late 9 out of 10 times when we met stretched my patience further. Eventually, I found solace in a childhood friend, E. I had an affair with her - and hid it from you. I didn't dote on you as much and got more impatient and less appreciative as time went by.

I never thought of leaving you. Partly coz you have sacrifaced a lot for me, and partly coz you have become a large part of me as I was of you. But I guess you saw through my growing coldness towards you, and the widening gap between us. On top of that, you encountered much peer pressure and our age gap wasn't helping. The last straw for you came on my 17th birthday. You stayed up and handmade a gift for me. I criticised it insensitively. You broke into tears and broke up with me. I didn't take it to heart since I thought it was one of your tantrum fits and we would be fine afterwards.

Unknowingly, that really was the end. When the fact finally hit home, I was devastated. I pleaded, apologised and tried various means to get you back. You stood firm and insisted that your heart has died. You wanted me to remain as a special friend by your side, as you couldn't bear losing me totally. You also said that I would always have a designated place in your heart, which you have locked up, and only I would have the key to unlock it.

I sillily remained by your side. Even after you got yourself another boyfriend 6 months later. Even when you cried as he didn't treat you as well as I did. Even when you went dating with him.

I patiently waited for you to change your mind, trying hard to retrieve our lost love day after day. I cried, I lied, I wrote, I tried everything I could just to fulfill my promise to you - to perserve and go after you again if you were to ever leave me. Nothing worked.

Finally, you told me to give up. You said you have changed, and you are no longer the W* I knew from yesteryears. You said that you would give up anything, just to have me forget the pain you caused me - even if it meant not beginning a r/s with me in the first place. That really broke my heart into pieces.

When we first parted, I bumped into you quite a bit - at Boat Quay, while I was with E* at Swensens, while I was rushing through the closing doors of the MRT at Orchard, at Isetan and the last time at Caltex House. You saw me on most of those occasions, but acknowledged me in none...maybe coz you were with your boyfriend most of the time. Oddly, as time went by, I stopped bumping into you. That helped me put you out of my mind.

I can't remember when I finally let you go. Things became too blurry during those days - I only remember writing some of my best poems. I dated many other girls, and even begun r/s with some, but things never worked out. It wasn't till I met J* that I realised I forgot how you looked, how you smelled, and how you sounded. That was 5 years later.

I'm thankful to you for bringing me back on track in my wayward years. I regret not being more appreciative while we were together. I guess it wasn't in my capacity and age to have been more than I was. I'm sorry W*, for having been a jerk, for not being appreciative. I wish you happiness.

My regrets II

At some point in time of our lives, we may do silly things just to make ourselves feel better. There was a time when I kept hitting a wall with W*. That was when I got involved with quite a few girls, and amongst them, M* left the deepest impression.

__________________________________________________________

I don't remember when I first noticed her. Basically, we were in 2 different worlds, she in her indo clique, while I hung out with my normal gin gang. Maybe it was her catchy laughter, or her curses in bahasa, or simply the way she shakes her devilish figure when she walks :p

One morning, I got cheeky with her in class. She gave me the finger and broke into laughter. We became unseparable for the next 9 mths.

We had our fair share of irresponsible fun - fooling around while others were in assembly, being put at the back of the queue coz of the streaks in her hair or my ultra tucked-out shirt, sneaking food into the lab sessions...

We couldn't really communicate, since she was not good in English, and I was not good in Bahasa...but we managed to get by somehow :p She showed me off to her friends, opened my eyes to her world, and shared with me her misery. I knew she got hurt when she was in Indo, I just didn't know how bad.

One day, she gave me a bottle of pot pourri, her name tag and a bahasa bible. She told me that before she met me, the bottle and bible were the dearest things to her. Her first love gave them to her, and he was also the one who hurt her the most. She then said that since she's with me now, she wanted me to have them, coz they no longer mattered to her. I was reluctant. After some persuasion from her, I took them in. It was also then I realised that things may not be as simple as having fun everyday.

When she went back to Indo during the vacation, I was pretty "good" :p I waited for her calls, and replied her letters. When she came back, we hung out almost everyday till the new school term.

Not long after, she told me that she may be leaving for Australia in the following year. We lightly explored the possibility of me going over as well - to which my conclusion was "not very possible" : She then brushed it aside, saying that it was just a possibility. Soon, she left for Indo again. This time, her letters lessened, and I did not wait for her calls. In fact, I went out with W*.

When she came back, I noticed a stark difference in her demeanour. It did not take her long to 'fess up. She slept with her first love while she was in Indo...and to top things off, the "hurt" she suffered were an affair (she being the betrayer) and an abortion. I felt my heart being wrenched, but at the same time I felt relief.

The next day, I returned her the Bahasa bible, the bottle of pot pourri - with her name tag broken into half stuffed into the bottle. She threw them into the trash can and never spoke to me again. I never told her about W*.

In the following 3 months, we stole glances at each other, and sillily "communicated" via other ppl. Unknown to others, I guess we never got over the "embarrasment and hurt" we caused each other. At the end of the year, she left Singapore without saying goodbye. I was too caught up with C*'s disappearance and W*'s re-appearance that I did not pursue her friendship.

I regret not pursuing her friendship. I'm sorry M*, for not being totally honest, and not saying goodbye. I wish I could hear your laughter again someday.

My regrets I

As the day draws nearer for me to age a year, I reminisce about my past. What's odd though, is that I seemed to have accumulated regrets with quite a few ppl. Some of them are still by my side, while most are long gone. I wonder if I will be able to bump into them someday, to give a smile, or to say sorry.

_________________________________________________________

It was a traumatic experience for me getting into secondary sch. Since I was different, the reactions I got from folks were either love or hate. There were not many who stayed around and remained neutral. Those who were are still my friends today.

Those who love me expressed it in various ways. I remembered distinctly about this girl who rushed all the way to the slope at the assembly hall just to catch a glimpse of me. And instead of saying hi when she saw me, she hurdled up with her friend at one corner and looked sheepish. She's a year older. At that moment, instead of feeling gleeful, I felt like Ah Meng :-S

Those who hate me expressed themselves in vicious ways. Some took it out on my books, others whispered poison.

I had a lot of ECAs then, since I was as decadent as every other youth (ok, maybe not you, reader :p), studies were not at the top of my list >:). It was in the guitar room that I met C*. We hit it off very well, and started hanging out almost everyday. When she learnt of what viciousness I was being put through by ppl who hate me, she literally created a huge storm in my classroom. From then on, I didn't look back. Rather, I didn't have to :P

It didn't take me long to realise that she carried some "weight" in school. Her decadence far surpasses mine :p In the following years, she became a big sister I did not have. We played traunt, hung out in arcades, hung out at the nostalgic cafe at the rundown shopping center, got involved in fights, got called to the principal's office (separately - they had to operate like CID when they dealt with us :D), etc. Whenever my arrogance or innocence got me into trouble, she was the first to stand in between me and what's brewing.

Once, a couple of "chantel thomas" ah lians were having a standoff with me and my "kg"s. When C* got wind of it, she came huffing and puffing, and literally spread her wings, commanded for me to go away, and got into a fight for me. It was not the first time, and definitely not the last.

Having heard of her terror, I guess most ppl would think of her as a huge lady with a big fist. On the contrary, she's a sweet lady. If she's not in a standoff, you would mistake her for a sweetie-pie next door. So, it didn't take me long to fall for her.

It was in the guitar room when I told her about how I felt. Of course, she threw a temper and chided me. Funny thing was, she never left me, and remained my big sister. Somehow, it didn't take me long to realise that I had more admiration for her than attraction to her. It was as if she already knew it would be a passing phase for me..haha.

Because of her appearance, indirectly, I enjoyed much "respect", had many "friends", had some flings and r/s, and indulged in irresponsible fun :D

Of course, it was not a bed of roses everyday. There were times when we were fraught with fear, faced disciplinary actions, and caused much heartaches to our loved ones.

3 years later, C* went missing. Even her parents did not know where she was. The school was looking for her, her enemies were looking for her, and I - was looking for her. It took me 6 months of fruitless search before she called me. Her first words were nonchalant, and told me that she would be going back to school. It was as though if the 6 months did not pass. She said she would look for me the next day. I was elated.

However, next day did not come. She never appeared, and she left school for good. I got so busy coping with the aftermath of her disappearance, getting called into the principal's office, and getting slapped by regulations, I forgo looking for her.

I regret not following up. Things would have been different if I had. Maybe she would still be my big sister today, in a matured way. Nevertheless, those good years cannot be bought with money, and I do not regret knowing C*.

I'm sorry C*, I wish I could see you again someday.

Flowery talk

"You too? It's a surprise to me. S* I expected..but not you. Will I be able to make you stay?" *Tears well up in her eyes, at the same time I found a lump in my throat.

To be honest, she's never treated me well. She said I was ambitious, chided me at times for being impatient. I never thought she would grow emotional when I left. I never thought I was on her list of "cherished employees".

~

He boasts about me. He claims that he knows a talent like me. He expects me to leave him someday for greener pastures. He told me "Remember, people who praise you are your friends, people who criticise you are your good friends".

~

He peppered our conversations with high hopes in me. He had huge plans for me. He heaped praises at me in front of C*. He wanted me to be somewhere someday.

He bypassed me and gave my opportunity to a good for nothing. So much for being his apple.

~

He claims that he likes my positivity and that I will be someone someday. He criticises my proposal and makes things difficult for me.

So what the hell is going on??

~

Why can't people say what they mean, what they feel and what they want? I don't need flowery talk, I just need you to express what you really mean.

A decade's folly

I accidentally realised an answer to a question that has long puzzled me...in fact over a decade. SL managed to answer it for me because she happened to be in this stage now.

Thanks A-mai :P at least I know I have learnt how to appreciate the greater things in life now :)

Harry Potter 0-day

My-o-my...someone actually hacked into Harry Potter's publisher and got hold of the 7th book's ending!

I've always had great faith in fellow black-hatters >:)

*Harry Potter 0-day*

Due to overwhelming distress and boo-hoos resulting from this entry, I have decided to remove it :p

*The end*

Melbourne voyage

Jetlagged, warmed to a radiant glow, I'm back from Melbourne.

I still can't get used to Sg's weather. Well, at least my flu is almost gone. I wonder if it's the cold weather in Melbourne, the EaseACold, or my Sg-made lozenges :p

We took a red-eye flight to Melbourne, departing Sg late on Thur evening. Arriving Sydney just after 6am australian time, we touched down one hour later than the estimated arrival time - thanks to the ever-increasing noise pollution level in Syndey. We missed our transit flight to Melbourne, but didn't have to wait long for the next one...which came half an hour later :p

The weather was a welcoming cold, and I practically "bathed" in it :D

By the time we reached the hotel, it was noon. The room was quite cosy, and the location was along one end of Lt Bourke. Armed with maps collected from the airport, and warm jackets, we set off for lunch and to explore Melbourne City.

Our first stop was Melbourne Visitor Center @ Federation Sq. The center was so colorful and full of information, we became disoriented. It took us a while before we figured out we were there to book a day tour to GOR :p

We had lunch and went back to explore the City precincts. Melbourne shops are largely scattered and disorganised on a wide spectrum. You will be able to find a sidewalk cafe and designer boutique next to each other. Strolling up slope along the walkways, we got lost in the quaint shops and European architecture.

The buildings along Collins oozed aristocracy, while those along Bourke, Flinders and Swanston are interestingly quirky. By 5pm, it was nightfall. By 6pm, the temperature dropped to a low, and the skies were dark. The city lights came on, and the city center took on a new charm with horse-drawn carriages along Swanston.

We rose early next day at 6:30am to ride to GOR. We stopped at many attractions, including the Bells Beach, Great Ocean Road sign, Koala Trees, Apollo Bay, Rainforest, 12 Apostles, Lord Arch, London Bridge, and Colac. It rained and drizzled at quite a few stops, and I got caught in the rain unknowingly. Mist came out with my breath during the night.

It was exhausting and by the time we reached City, I almost hit the sack. My growling stomach won't let me sleep, and we found a 1950's Italian cafe to dine in. It was a gastronomic experience :D

I came down with a nasty flu on the third day. We got some medicine for me to self-medicate and pressed forward nonetheless. We went to Queen Victoria market, and then the Melbourne Musuem - where I got lost in the Human Anatomy displays (they are real human remains!) and the Aboriginal artifacts and practices. The indoor rainforest was pretty cool and the Australian animals section was quite an eye opener (they are real specimens! just imagine a wolf or kangaroo specimen :P). We walked to Fitzroy for a stroll in the romantic neighbourhood just as the sun sets.

The 4th day was spent exploring more suburb land. We went to Priceline for more med and set off for Bridge Rd @ Richmond. We set foot at noon and walked non-stop till 5pm. My legs were breaking and my throat ached when I stopped for juice, food and hot tea :( But it was also the place were we bought most of our stuff and Australian brands. We took a tram to Yarra river and shivered our way to the casino :p We didn't stay long since our interest wasn't in gambling, but sightseeing >:)

We planned for seafood @ Docklands, but ended up with Italian again coz the seafood menu was pretty disappointing. The tram wait was long and cold - I breathed mist again and wondered why the ang moh gal waiting with us can stand out in the cold without a care and still look nonchalant :\

The last day was rushed out since we only had half a day to post our postcards, and to get Koko black chocolates for Blossom and Empress Dowager. I managed to grab a pair of Levis from Melbourne Central on our way back :p

To sum it all up, I enjoyed the Melbourne trip, esp the weather. The people are bland and not arrogant (taking into account their English roots, it's some sort of a miracle!), foods are good but expensive, retail is largely australian based, and culture is diverse but not very interesting.

I would visit Australia again...but maybe after Hokkaido, Vietnam, and....Cuba ;)

Melbourne...here i come >:)

Ah boy is going Melbourne tml! But...

I'm down with a flu! Sigh...I hope I feel better tml..I don't wanna sneeze my way through great ocean road or scare the penguins away as they march :(

shopping time!

it's zee time of great singapore sale again...

so far, I have already gotten a few items

- fossil wallet
- timberland rugged weather jacket
- guess tees (I think Kimono rolled her eyeballs when I was paying)
- puma retro shoes
- tangs knitted top
- tangs cotton top
- litmus flip flops

>:)

the crowd is much better this year, not too rowdy...or could it be coz I'm shopping during my lunch hours now? haha...

Sayonara

The time has come for me to leave...yet again.

This time, I kept it even lower key than it was at Jupiter. The jadedness is getting to me.

No, I'm not telling where I will be going. Maybe not even when I'm gone. Unlike Ground 0, I have absolutely no qualms about leaving Mars.

I do not harbour any expectations for my next adventure. Maybe coz I have been disappointed too many times while I held expectations. Or maybe it's really as good as it gets.

I just hope to face every challenge with sufficient courage and magnitude.

wilderness of mirrors

After such knowledge, what forgiveness? Think now
History has many cunning passages, contrived corridors
And issues, deceives with whispering ambitions,
Guides us by vanities. Think now
She gives when our attention is distracted
And what she gives, gives with such supple confusions
That the giving famishes the craving. Gives too late
What’s not believed in, or if still believed,
In memory only, reconsidered passion. Gives too soon
Into weak hands, what’s thought can be dispensed with
Till the refusal propagates a fear. Think
Neither fear nor courage saves us. Unnatural vices
Are fathered by our heroism. Virtues
Are forced upon us by our impudent crimes.
These tears are shaken from the wrath-bearing tree.

Why I like Spidey

It definitely helps that spidey series come along with the helpless but sexy Mary Jane Watson. >:) But.......it's not about her.

It's about the reality of being a Superhero. Spidey is as susceptible to jealousy, hunger for revenge, selfishness, vindication, and depression as any of us are. As he scales heights or swings into the urban jungle from nowhere, he may be plagued by thoughts of lost love. As he fights, he may be doing so just to impress the girl of his dreams. As he revels in the crowd's cheers, his head may get as big as Gargantua. As he loses the love of his life, he dejectedly dumps Spidey identity just so to not be an "empty seat" anymore.

In short, he is just like anyone of us.

Spidey however always braces up in the nick of time. I prefer to think it's because of the righteouness steak in him. After all, underneath the latex suit is a geeky, polite, filial and lovelorn guy. All he ever asked for was to do well in his studies, and for Mary Jane Watson to notice him.

By evolving into a large semi-spider, his entire paradigm is shifted while his life is thrown off balance. The series brings us through the struggles he experiences as he learns the hard facts of being a Superhero.

It's hard to imagine that the director of Spidey used to produce B-grade horror flicks. With that in mind, I find it effortless to give the Spidey series 2-thumbs up. :D

my date with looney vampires

My date with a vampire is re-running. The re-runs are late on weekday nights. Occasionally, I would catch it.

Ok, I admit. I have been catching them as and when I can. Even when I have the whole series stored in my laptop.

Before anyone thinks I'm into chessy plots and looney vampires, I have to clarify...I'm only into the female lead - Joey Meng.

Are her short skirts or fair legs enticing me?

I prefer to think it's her personality. The ice maiden who melts under love, the strong-willed vampire slayer who cries for a vampire (a very ugly one at that).

Anyhow, it's a pity that she went into seclusion in both her reel and real life. I'm sure she's one hot vampire slayer we will miss (at least Garfield and I will). >:)

second life

I had the chance to be a better person.

To life, hope and the long journey ahead.

I'll always remember
It was late afternoon
It lasted forever
And ended too soon
You were all by yourself
Staring up at a dark gray sky
I was changed

In places no one would find
All your feelings so deep inside
It was then that I realized
That forever was in your eyes
The moment I saw you cry

The moment that I saw you cry

It was late in september
And I've seen you before
You were always the cold one
But i was never that sure
You were all by yourself
Staring at a dark gray sky
I was changed

In places no one would find
All your feelings so deep inside
It was then that I realized
That forever was in your eyes
The moment I saw you cry

I wanted to hold you
i wanted to make it go away
I wanted to know you
I wanted to make your everything, all right

I'll always remember
It was late afternoon
In places no one would find

In places no one would find
All your feelings so deep inside
It was then that I realized
That forever was in your eyes
The moment I saw you cry

Live and let live

It has been a rollercoaster week at work.

First, fat boy gave me a new lead appointment, something which I thought I deserved 2 months ago. Now, it's just water under the bridge. I'm just waiting for loud-mouth to crash and burn.

Second, fat boy threw a huge tantrum at the weekly meeting. From the looks of it, aunty Ch* seems to be the fire-starter. He growled and roared at everyone. Innocent me who seems to have gotten everything right got dragged into it just coz he pointed the arrow at the wrong person. When I finally had a chance to point the "mistake" out to him, he just told me to tell someone else. Ey, who's the boss here ah? Crapicana idiot.

I wanted so much to write fat boy an issue sheet to tell him his way of management is askew. After I finished with the draft, I decided to drop it...simply coz it's not my problem. Anyhow, I decided to live and let live - so should everyone else.

zee saving grace

What I once thought was the saving grace of my career turned out to be a disappointment. Well, I have to admit the first 2 months were kinda boring, but I got over it since I was studying for my exams. The following 2 months were full steam ahead, since my boss sorta heeded aunty Ch*'s advise and "stretched" my potential - which, truth be told, I was barely 80% stretched. As for the last 2 months...it's better left to boredom.

For someone who used to put in ten dollar's worth for each dollar paid, I really am not used to this kinda relaxed lifestyle. I loathe it when I'm not able to contribute, and worse, when the job is not able to contribute to my career plan. To be fair, I'm experiencing a different aspect of my expertise, something which one day I will have to handle, esp when I have reached a certain position. But...I don't think I'm suitable for this, esp when I do not possess enough clout - yet.

I always believed that one needs to show his worth to earn his respect. The mid 2 months were great, coz I managed to pop everyone's eyes with what I had. Now, I find it difficult to live up to my legend - simply just coz I'm not given an opportunity to do so.

I feel so under-utilised.

Now...should I enroll myself into "overworked anonymous"? :(

judge not

While I'm watching others through tinted glasses, I should be mindful that I'm tinted through the glasses of others.

I was shocked, confused, bewildered
As I entered Heaven's door
Not by the beauty of it all
Nor the lights or its decor

But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp
The thieves, the liars, the sinners
The alcoholics, the trash!

There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice!
Next to him was my old neighbour
Who never said anything nice!

Herb, whom I always thought
Was rotting away in hell
Was sitting pretty
On cloud nine, looking incredibly well

I nudged Jesus, "What's the deal?"
I would love to hear Your take
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must have made a mistake

"And why's everyone so quiet,
So sombre? Give me a clue."
"Hush, child" said He, "they're all in shock,
No one thought they'd be seeing you."

The Emperor's Clothes

Things at work are nothing but a facade. I have recently been put into a pretty "visible" appointment, albeit one that's not usually coveted. I smile when I think it's stupid, I nod when I think it's unreasonable. It's sheer irony just to think of the fact that whistle-blowing or courageous behaviour are encouraged within the organisation.

It's little wonder why some people sink as low as to backstab their co-workers, while others simply vent their repressed anger at anyone and everyone. It's not enough just to be kind, or nice.

Even though the job satisfaction I obtain from tangible deliverables are now a far cry from my yesteryears at Ground 0, I somehow feel as battered as a rugby player who has been pushed, punched and manhandled.

Being in this organisation, I have been forcefully initiated into the world of soft skills. I now no longer manage systems or procedures, nor do my reports save lives as they used to. I'm now an apprentice in the world of people management.

I can no longer be the little kid who tells the Emperor that nudity looks ugly on him.

Halfway through

Halfway through my probationary period, I was given a great opportunity to lead during the testing phase. Given my ferrari-powered attitude towards work, I slogged day and night for the good of my project, ensuring evey caveat is addressed, every minute detail is taken care of. Alas, good things never really do last, at least for now. The testing phase is over, and the system is to be commissioned on V-day. A similar position to mine will no longer belong to me - it will go to a lesser and lower-rank being, who has no capability to speak of - a loud-mouth scholar.

I do not believe my boss did not speak up for me. He probably did, but big boss has her reservations, and my boss will not risk his arse to push any further. Is it my youth, my ambitiousness, my striking sharpness, my probationary status, or simply coz she needs to hit the promotion quota for the precious scholars? I do not know.

Do they really have better plans for me in place? I hope so. Is it really as innocent a reason as that I'm still within my probationary period? I doubt so. It is an elitist place I'm in, a batttleground where politics stretches from the working level all the way to the management level. Every moment of the day, I worry about what I speak of, and who I speak to.

I'm tired. I really wonder if I should give this another chance. Looking back, I really did get the package I want when I left Ground 0, so why am I complaining now?

I think it's coz I realised that money can't buy you everything. It can't buy you fairness, nor love, nor time, nor family, and most importantly nor a peace of mind.

-If this is Your blueprint for me, please make me a way soon-

Busy Bee

Since the start of the new year, I have been swarmed with work. For the past two weeks, I have been leaving GD* past 8pm. This busy period is expected to end Feb 9, and the C** to commission on Feb 14. *crosses fingers

In my spare time, I'm happy to laze around with Kimono, or spend time with my family. We just turned part time cleaners on Sat to help with spring cleaning.

Now I wonder when I should go down to Chinatown and shop for new year goodies. Fortunately, I have done all the shopping for my new year clothes.

Ok, I'm tired, my neck is stiff again. I should go rest.

Bienvenue 2007!

It's the first day of 2007 :D I have a few wishes in this fresh new year..

1) Happiness for me, parents and Kimono
2) Kimono and I to have a smooth sailing year
3) My career to sail smoothly
4) To face any challenges with courage
5) Good health for family, Kimono and me
6) More moola, more moola and more moola!!!

*The above are in no order of preference as usual, it's best to have all come true!