"With life comes hope, with hope, you will live on. Live a life with dreams, work towards them and they will come true"
This sentence sounds cliche. Maybe that's because most people have not experienced or seen it's true form. For someone who has, I have been a failure.
For the longest years, I have maintain a negative outlook on life. As much as I hate to admit it, it is true. I put on a happy front, but when faced with a crisis, I will think of the worst scenarios. I complain bitterly for what I think is the lousiest job for me, when it's not so bad if I had foresight - with all the expensive trainings. For the longest time, I lost my capability to laugh at my mistakes, to dream of the impossible. For the longest period, I hankered and regretted, without really treasuring what I had in front of me - when I thought I moved on, I simply moved my empty shell and left my soul behind. I realised finally, I need to be a better person - in love, life, and work. I should walk slower, and muse more.
There are many times where I wonder, if I were to contract a terminal disease, how would I be like? My answer has always been: I will lose the will to live on. I was not able to see that there are more unfortunate people, who have to struggle twice as hard, just to get by. I should treasure my life.
Many years ago, I thought I lost the capability to love. I did not. Instead, I stopped loving myself - almost totally. Even a dog became more important than I was to myself. I neglected time for reflection, I was afraid to face myself alone. It was different from being selfless, I simply gave up on myself. I did not know what I was working for, or fighting for. But maybe because I failed so badly in one area, the perfectionist in me wanted to find something else to succeed in to fill up the hole. With cognitive intellegence, came too strong a will to make my talent known. With emotional intellegence, I became more gloomy and cynical.
Sometimes I wonder, how different would it be, if I had walked a different route, and continued being unaffected and carefree. I may not be where I am today, or maybe because of my happy go lucky disposition, I will be a much more blessed person than I am now. I would have missed many chances, but the missed stops could lead me to the best deal at the end of the road.
I will not change into a different person overnight. But I definitely will work towards appreciating what I have (even the bad stuff), loving myself more, and living life once more with a carefree mentality.
To finish off what Spiderman's uncle said: With great power, comes great responsibilities. With great responsibilies, comes great losses. Live life to your fullest, with the least effort and maximum happiness ;)
