As the day draws nearer for me to age a year, I reminisce about my past. What's odd though, is that I seemed to have accumulated regrets with quite a few ppl. Some of them are still by my side, while most are long gone. I wonder if I will be able to bump into them someday, to give a smile, or to say sorry.
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It was a traumatic experience for me getting into secondary sch. Since I was different, the reactions I got from folks were either love or hate. There were not many who stayed around and remained neutral. Those who were are still my friends today.
Those who love me expressed it in various ways. I remembered distinctly about this girl who rushed all the way to the slope at the assembly hall just to catch a glimpse of me. And instead of saying hi when she saw me, she hurdled up with her friend at one corner and looked sheepish. She's a year older. At that moment, instead of feeling gleeful, I felt like Ah Meng :-S
Those who hate me expressed themselves in vicious ways. Some took it out on my books, others whispered poison.
I had a lot of ECAs then, since I was as decadent as every other youth (ok, maybe not you, reader :p), studies were not at the top of my list >:). It was in the guitar room that I met C*. We hit it off very well, and started hanging out almost everyday. When she learnt of what viciousness I was being put through by ppl who hate me, she literally created a huge storm in my classroom. From then on, I didn't look back. Rather, I didn't have to :P
It didn't take me long to realise that she carried some "weight" in school. Her decadence far surpasses mine :p In the following years, she became a big sister I did not have. We played traunt, hung out in arcades, hung out at the nostalgic cafe at the rundown shopping center, got involved in fights, got called to the principal's office (separately - they had to operate like CID when they dealt with us :D), etc. Whenever my arrogance or innocence got me into trouble, she was the first to stand in between me and what's brewing.
Once, a couple of "chantel thomas" ah lians were having a standoff with me and my "kg"s. When C* got wind of it, she came huffing and puffing, and literally spread her wings, commanded for me to go away, and got into a fight for me. It was not the first time, and definitely not the last.
Having heard of her terror, I guess most ppl would think of her as a huge lady with a big fist. On the contrary, she's a sweet lady. If she's not in a standoff, you would mistake her for a sweetie-pie next door. So, it didn't take me long to fall for her.
It was in the guitar room when I told her about how I felt. Of course, she threw a temper and chided me. Funny thing was, she never left me, and remained my big sister. Somehow, it didn't take me long to realise that I had more admiration for her than attraction to her. It was as if she already knew it would be a passing phase for me..haha.
Because of her appearance, indirectly, I enjoyed much "respect", had many "friends", had some flings and r/s, and indulged in irresponsible fun :D
Of course, it was not a bed of roses everyday. There were times when we were fraught with fear, faced disciplinary actions, and caused much heartaches to our loved ones.
3 years later, C* went missing. Even her parents did not know where she was. The school was looking for her, her enemies were looking for her, and I - was looking for her. It took me 6 months of fruitless search before she called me. Her first words were nonchalant, and told me that she would be going back to school. It was as though if the 6 months did not pass. She said she would look for me the next day. I was elated.
However, next day did not come. She never appeared, and she left school for good. I got so busy coping with the aftermath of her disappearance, getting called into the principal's office, and getting slapped by regulations, I forgo looking for her.
I regret not following up. Things would have been different if I had. Maybe she would still be my big sister today, in a matured way. Nevertheless, those good years cannot be bought with money, and I do not regret knowing C*.
I'm sorry C*, I wish I could see you again someday.
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