leaving on a jetplane

All my bags are packed I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin' it's early morn
The taxi's waitin' he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing
Every place I go, I'll think of you
Every song I sing, I'll sing for you
When I come back, I'll bring your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
Close your eyes I'll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the times, I won't have to say

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

soft hearted and weak willed

I was having lunch with Aunty Hu at Goldenshoe just the other day...and an aunty came along and asked us to buy tissue. The de facto reaction from anyone working in the area is to "Look down intensely at their food and violently shake their head". That's what Aunty Hu did. Instead of doing that, I looked at tissue-aunty and told her "No, Thank you". Aunty recognised the difference and immediately said "Help me lah...it's CNY..". SIGH. My heart immediately softened and bought tissue from her.

I was having dinner at home and saw the last episode of 心情大动员. The old aunty featured has had such a hard life. But she perservered. She never gave up in times of adversity. At 81, she continued to do the laundry, wash toilet, cook, make the bed...etc. for her family (consisting of 2 mentally challenged adult children). She became literate through her own effort and could even read LKY's biography. (To think I never even touched the copy in my study). As though if Life is not hard enough for her, she is affected with a cancerous tumour on her face and saddled with a weak heart. To be honest, I think she's very very brave to continue living such a life. Given someone else, he/she might have given it up to Mr Forked-tongue.

Sometimes when I'm so down, I have entertained thoughts of ending it all. Now - I don't mean to say that I start fantasizing about ways to end my life. I simply wish for everything to come to a standstill and for life to pass on. And at those times, I really feel I'm too tired to continue. I think I only know of one other person who feels the same way at times.

No matter how hard things get...eventually, life goes on. In this life, all I want to be is happy, and to grow old with the one I love.

God bless my soft heart and weak will.

still...

Funny when you stop and think
time goes faster than you blink
nothing's ever like it was
girl we've got a special thing
you're the happiness it brings
is more than enough

I know its hard to believe
you're still the biggest part of me
all I'm living for
I still think about you
I still dream about you
I still want you
and need you by my side
I'm still mad about you
all I ever wanted was you
you're still the one

It's hard to breathe when we're apart
you're that sunshine in my heart
I keep you here inside
you've been everything to me
you've been and always will be
the apple of my eye

I know its hard to believe
you're still the biggest part of me
all I'm living for
I still think about you
I still dream about you
I still want you
and need you by my side
I still mad about you
all i ever wanted was you
you're still the one

If you love me
look into my eyes and say you do
I've been waiting all my life
for someone just like you
baby after all that we've been through
girl i'm still in love with you
and I want you to know I do, I do

I still think about you
I still dream about you
I still want you
and need you by my side
I'm still mad about you
all I ever wanted was you
you're still the one, you're still the one

Recollection

-Fights-

The hard thing about fighting in relationships is that there's no referee. There's no one to tell you which comments are below the belt or when to stop and go to your separate corners.

As a result, someone usually gets hurt. And it seems the closer a couple gets and the more stuff they have between them, the harder it is to figure out why exactly they're mad at one another. When it comes to relationships, what are people fighting for?

Hold my tongue. It takes me only that much to stop the hurt. Silence.

"When things are implicit, it doesn't take much to shut up and show that I care. There comes a time when silence is all I need to say I love you" - Fishy

heartbreak warfare

Lightning strikes
Inside, my chest to keep me up at night
Dream of ways
To make you understand my pain

Clouds of sulfur in the air
Bombs are falling everywhere
It's heartbreak warfare
Once you want it to begin,
No one really ever wins
In heartbreak warfare

If you want more love,
why don't you say so?
If you want more love,
why don't you say so?

Drop his name
Push it in and twist the knife again
Watch my face
As I pretend to feel no pain

Clouds of sulfur in the air
Bombs are falling everywhere
It's heartbreak warfare
Once you want it to begin,
No one really ever wins
In heartbreak warfare.

If you want more love,
why don't you say so?
If you want more love,
why don't you say so?

Just say so...

How come the only way to know how high you get me
is to see how far I fall
God only knows how much I'd love you if you let me
but I can't break through at all.

It's a heartbreak...

I don't care if we don't sleep at all tonight
Let's just fix this whole thing now
I swear to God we're gonna get it right
If you lay your weapon down
Red wine and ambien
You're talking shit again, it's heartbreak warfare
Good to know it's all a game
Disappointment has a name, it's heartbreak warfare.

as the sun sets...

as I ot-ed today, ah black turned around and said to me, "why aren't you going off? it's friday..." i pointed to the stack of stuff in my in-tray, and gave him an exasperated "I need to clear these stuff" look. so he said, "you can never finish all of that, so just go. spend time with your family".

that hit me - esp. when i've been home alone. i know the number of marbles I have left are diminishing.

it also dawned upon me why it has never been so apparent in the past. all of a sudden, all I'm thinking about is you...

my 10 cents

The much anticipated yet griped-about-for-one-month letter finally came in today. For some arcane reason, I duno what to feel. Maybe I got too swamped with work.

Truth be told, I'm happy about my promotion. At the same time, there's a 10 cents story which I've only told, but never written about.

I'll not break tradition and write about it. However, all I can say is I appreciated my 10 cents.

It brought along with it; patience, listening ears, advise, care, concern, friendship, and silent support.

It might not have been much to anyone, but it sustained the millionaire and his quirks. The dollars will not match, but I know the pauper has given.

Thank you...

my death yet again

It's tradition to write about the end of a r/s. well, at least when it's time to. i've been procrastinating on this draft. it's time i paid tribute.

- to you i will honour, for i will remember you for all that's beautiful -
the millionaire

"It's less colorful, lonelier and quieter (without you). trying to get used to the new lifestyle."

--> did you know it was black and white on silent in here for a long while?

"It's natural that we still have feelings for each other. The tough decision was made and we've survived thru (sic) the toughest/saddest days. I look forward to be frens (sic) - that's what we were before. It's very hard for me to say these, but I had to.

--> they say it's survival of the fittest. at the rate my heart survived death, i'd say it's more broken than fit.

"Our path has brought us here. It's painful. Fate may bring us together again in future, who knows. Now, (there's) no point when the problem will still creep (back) up."

--> Fate, is a game destiny plays. Turn it around, and I find love.

"I pray for strength and peace for you, and health for your parents"

--> and you, in my prayer, as i breathe my last to sleep.

words of promise

I never really liked pink except when i'm feeling like punk-rock. This song however gets to me in whatever mood I'm in ;)

~ I don't believe you ~

I don’t mind it
I don’t mind at all
It’s like you’re the swing set
And I’m the kid that falls
It’s like the way we fight
The times I’ve cried
We come to blows
And every night
The passion’s there
So it’s got to be right
Right?

No I don’t believe you
When you say don’t come around here no more
I won’t remind you
You said we wouldn’t be apart
No I don’t believe you
When you say you don’t need me anymore
So don’t pretend to
Not love me at all

I still don’t mind at all
It’s like one of those bad dreams
When you can’t wake up
It’s like you’ve given up
You’ve had enough
But I want more
No I won't stop
Because I just know
You’ll come around
Right?

No I don’t believe you
When you say don’t come around here no more
I won’t remind you
You said we wouldn’t be apart
No I don’t believe you
When you say you don’t need me anymore
So don’t pretend to
Not love me at all

Just don’t stand there and watch me fall
Because I, because I still don’t mind at all

It’s like the way we fight
The times I’ve cried
We come to blows
And every night
The passions there
So it’s got to be right,
Right?

No I don’t believe you
When you say don’t come around here no more
I won’t remind you
You said we wouldn’t be apart
No I don’t believe you
When you say you don’t need me anymore
So don’t pretend to
Not love me at all

I don’t believe you

can't smile without you...

slowly invading my mind during dinnertime was a song that sounds too great to reject...

i kept humming but couldn't place my finger on the song name, nor the movie i heard it in..

thanks to my all-time favourite trawler...i'm glad to present you with...Barry Manilow from Hellboy! haha...

~Can't smile without you~

You know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh, and I can't sleep
I don't even talk to people I meet
And I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
And you must know what I'm goin' thru
I just can't smile, without you

You came along just like a song
You brightened my day
Who'd believe you were part of a dream
That only seemed light years away

And you know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
And you must know what I'm goin' thru
I just can't smile, without you

Some people say the happiness wave
Is somethin' that's hard to find
Into the new leavin' the old behind me
And I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
And you must know what I'm goin' thru
I just can't smile, without you

Into the new, leaving the old behind me
And I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
And you must know what I'm goin' thru
I just can't smile, without you

You must know what I'm goin' thru
I just can't smile, without you

Halloween

This entry has nothing to do with Halloween. Well, almost.

Almost nothing to do with Halloween - except for the fact I was coerced into dressing as one of the Lord of the Rings character by my dear partners in crime at the D&D. And guess what, it turned out that I resembled a Matrix character more than a character out of Lord of the Rings... so I just brought along my sunnies and voila! I'm Matrix character of the night. Michelle C's cousin commented my hair wasn't slicked back enough. But I thought it was good enough - given it was a last minute kinda gig. :p

Oct has been an eventful month. Pending big news. Confirmed news include my new s* who is now 2 weeks old. As for the rest...let's just see what comes. I don't know what to feel, the situation's kinda weird, so I won't talk about it either...

What else is new in Oct? Oh, I'm officially in my last year of 20-s. So sayonara big 2-0. And welcome - small 3-0 :p

Oh! And I experienced the passing of Typhoon Melor in Japan. Apparently, according to the streaming katakana and hirgana on TV, we were in the Eye of the storm. But....there was really not much excitement and (thankfully) no bodily hurt.

We only got the electricity cut off a few times, saw fallen branches, bikes, overturned brollies and lotsa fallen (albeit reluctantly) leaves. We also suffered the inconvenience of strong wind and rain for a couple of days before the big-T.

Well, that pretty much summarises what has happened in the last month. I'm just looking forward to Nov, because...it's one month away from all the holiday cheer! ;)

I'm ticking off demerits...

...Even before we meet.

Why?

One says [gender-sensitive] needs to be at work, so [gender-sensitive] can't make it any earlier. Er, you still value your job? Why are you looking then??

Another says [gender-sensitive]'s working nearby and will drop by where convenient for [gender-sensitive]. Obviously, [gender-sensitive] does not want to waste [gender-sensitive] leave right???

OMG. I thought this is an employer's market??? I don't rememeber ever requesting for my to-be employer to accomodate me.

I'm not desperate here you know. My HR is damn useless at negotiating. No wonder he gets pushed around by the candidates. Who the hell reveals upperend to the candidate??

Oh well, if I want to portray a picture of a good boss, I've to make sacrifaces.

At the very least, I could go back and give the offer to "#1 with personnel issues".

my new resolution

I've been busy of late. Real busy.

I remember that my new year resolution last year (?) was to do right things the right way. And Kimono sent me a really good article. It's really timely...I need a good laugh! :D

PS: Can I really do that for my first cut? :p

HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE RIGHT JOB?

Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window.

Then send 2 or 3 candidates in
The room and close the door.

Leave them alone and come back,
After 6 hours and then analyze the situation.

If they are counting the Bricks,
Put them in the accounts department.

If they are recounting them,
Put them in auditing.

If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks,
put them in engineering.

If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order,
put them in planning.

If they are throwing the bricks at each other,
put them in operations.

If they are sleeping,
Put them in security.

If they have broken the bricks into pieces,
put them in information technology.

If they are sitting idle,
Put them in human resources.

If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved,
Put them in sales.

If they have already left for the day,
Put them in marketing.

If they are staring out of the window,
Put them on strategic planning.

And then last but not least.



If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved, congratulate them and put them in Top Management.

Trawled-it!

I was reading a news article @ TODAYonline when I got curious at the journalist who penned it. Well, not coz the article was very captivating (it was well-written though). Neither was I interested in her identity...coz I have long learnt that she was one of my primary school crushes :p

I was curious at how far she was entrenched in journalisim. And so, I fired up my friendly trawler and keyed in her name. Lo and behold! Numerous articles of hers came up. I also learnt that she was awarded Best *** Article twice in 2008. She was subsequently promoted in Dec 2008.

As I was closing out on my trawling, I noticed a small Catholic church's PDF article - a simple itinery of one particular Sunday Service. At the 10am mark, it said "Wedding mass of *** and ***". Ah...this was the juicy part. She IS married to the Editor of TODAY.

Now we know how far entrenched she is in journalism ;)

taylor swift

No one should make her cry like that...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQDR8qTn2O8

- white horse -

Say you're sorry
That face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
And I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on
And days drag on
Stupid girl, I should have known, I should have known

[Chorus]
That I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

Maybe I was naive
Got lost in your eyes and never really had a chance
My mistake I didn't know to be in love
You had to fight to have the upper hand
I had so many dreams about you and me
Happy endings,
Now I know

[Chorus]

And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness
Begging for me
Just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappearing now
And it's too late for you and your white horse
Now it's too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Try and catch me now
Oh, it's too late
To catch me now

nice pictures

It nice it happen to you. Like you come to the island and you had a holiday, sun didn't burn you red-red, just brown, you sleep and no mosquito eat you. But trut' is, it bound to happen, if you stay long enough. So take dat nice picture home wit' you, but don' be fooled. We lonely here mostly, too. If we lucky, maybe we got some nice pictures to take wit’ us.

- meet joe black (in jamaican)

No atheist in the midst of a storm

After his recent victorious win, all eyes are on Obama to resolve the World's next greatest financial crisis - besides the Great Depression.

Before we speculate on his to-be-proven capability, here's my theory on why Obama got elected. Well, of course, other than the obvious disappointment Americans have for the Bush Administration. First, a story needs to be told.

- Once upon a time, there was a dying Atheist. His family members were staunch Catholics, and were trying desperately to "convert" him before his last breath.

One night, Satan visted him. Satan said: My boy, I'm a fairly diplomatic person. Hence, I will not sell Hell to you. I will paint you a picture of both Heaven and Hell, so that you can make a wise choice.

Heaven...well, Heaven is a nice place, peaceful yeah, and filled with lotsa clouds. If you were to go to Heaven, you will be sitting on clouds and playing the harp all day long. Kinda boring huh?

As for Hell, let me tell you, we are all having a hell of a time there! It's filled with casinos, clubs, women, wine, good food, sex and plenty of fun. I can assure you of a great time if you were to choose Hell!

Believing Satan's words, the dying Atheist chose Hell. Not long after, he breathed his last and descended into Hell. To his dismay, he saw only lotsa fire, burning souls and crying. He cried out: Why oh why?? I thought Satan said Hell was a great place filled with pleasures??

At this moment, Satan appeared to him and said: My boy, what you are seeing now...is the reality. Back on Earth...I was only CAMPAIGNING :p -

Truth is, the reality is really bleak now. Obama has at most 8 years to work on the financial, racial and environmental breakdown. Kudos to him if he can dunk one by the end of his terms.

mysterious woods

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep
But I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep
And miles to go before I sleep.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -- I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.

A name, my name

After reading the article on Sunday's ST, we were playfully pondering on a name I could take on if I were one of them.

Sifting through the many "F's", I realised there weren't many nice names that start with F. So I off-handedly said: I don't think I will change my name lah, because...And I stopped short.

I guess I wanted to say: because it's one of the nicer name that starts with "F". But no.

It's because you gave me my name. You wanted me to be a happy person.

I don't think I will change my name...because you gave me my name, Aunt A.

Tell me where it hurts

Barely a week from Aunt A's demise, I heard a song late one night. Reeling from yet avoiding the loss, it made me feel weak. The simple yet sincere singing touched my heart.

Someone missed telling me that Aunt A called for me in her last moments. In the midst of all the grief and confusion, I do not blame anyone. My heart ached more.

Realisation hit me. While time is on my side, I should live my worth, give my best, and love my all. I do not want to regret what I missed out.

That having said...I'm still a coward in many senses. I can only hope that I will be able to make the good times last longer, give as much as my heart allows, and love as selflessly as possible.

~It takes a lot to fall for someone. But it takes more for the same someone to stay by your side when you eventually fall~ Fishy

__________________________________________________________

-Tell me where it hurts-

Why is that sad look in your eyes
Why are you crying
Tell me now, tell me now
Tell me, why you're feelin' this way
I hate to see you so down, oh baby

Is it your heart
Oh, that's breakin' all in pieces
Makin' you cry
Makin' you feel blue
Is there anything that I can do

Why don't you tell me where it hurts now, baby
And I'll do my best to make it better
Yes, I'll do my best to make those tears all go away
Just tell me where it hurts now, tell me
And I love you with a love so tender
Oh and if you let me stay
I'll love all of the hurt away

Where are all those tears coming from
Why are they falling
Somebody, somebody, somebody left your heart in the cold
You just need somebody to hold on, baby

Give me a chance to put back all the pieces
Take your broken heart
Make it just like new
There's so many things that I can do

Why don't you tell me where it hurts now, baby
And I'll do my best to make it better
Yes, I'll do my best to make those tears all go away
Just tell me where it hurts now, tell me
And I love you with a love so tender
Oh and if you let me stay
I'll love all of the hurt away