Recollection

-Fights-

The hard thing about fighting in relationships is that there's no referee. There's no one to tell you which comments are below the belt or when to stop and go to your separate corners.

As a result, someone usually gets hurt. And it seems the closer a couple gets and the more stuff they have between them, the harder it is to figure out why exactly they're mad at one another. When it comes to relationships, what are people fighting for?

Hold my tongue. It takes me only that much to stop the hurt. Silence.

"When things are implicit, it doesn't take much to shut up and show that I care. There comes a time when silence is all I need to say I love you" - Fishy

heartbreak warfare

Lightning strikes
Inside, my chest to keep me up at night
Dream of ways
To make you understand my pain

Clouds of sulfur in the air
Bombs are falling everywhere
It's heartbreak warfare
Once you want it to begin,
No one really ever wins
In heartbreak warfare

If you want more love,
why don't you say so?
If you want more love,
why don't you say so?

Drop his name
Push it in and twist the knife again
Watch my face
As I pretend to feel no pain

Clouds of sulfur in the air
Bombs are falling everywhere
It's heartbreak warfare
Once you want it to begin,
No one really ever wins
In heartbreak warfare.

If you want more love,
why don't you say so?
If you want more love,
why don't you say so?

Just say so...

How come the only way to know how high you get me
is to see how far I fall
God only knows how much I'd love you if you let me
but I can't break through at all.

It's a heartbreak...

I don't care if we don't sleep at all tonight
Let's just fix this whole thing now
I swear to God we're gonna get it right
If you lay your weapon down
Red wine and ambien
You're talking shit again, it's heartbreak warfare
Good to know it's all a game
Disappointment has a name, it's heartbreak warfare.

as the sun sets...

as I ot-ed today, ah black turned around and said to me, "why aren't you going off? it's friday..." i pointed to the stack of stuff in my in-tray, and gave him an exasperated "I need to clear these stuff" look. so he said, "you can never finish all of that, so just go. spend time with your family".

that hit me - esp. when i've been home alone. i know the number of marbles I have left are diminishing.

it also dawned upon me why it has never been so apparent in the past. all of a sudden, all I'm thinking about is you...

my 10 cents

The much anticipated yet griped-about-for-one-month letter finally came in today. For some arcane reason, I duno what to feel. Maybe I got too swamped with work.

Truth be told, I'm happy about my promotion. At the same time, there's a 10 cents story which I've only told, but never written about.

I'll not break tradition and write about it. However, all I can say is I appreciated my 10 cents.

It brought along with it; patience, listening ears, advise, care, concern, friendship, and silent support.

It might not have been much to anyone, but it sustained the millionaire and his quirks. The dollars will not match, but I know the pauper has given.

Thank you...

my death yet again

It's tradition to write about the end of a r/s. well, at least when it's time to. i've been procrastinating on this draft. it's time i paid tribute.

- to you i will honour, for i will remember you for all that's beautiful -
the millionaire

"It's less colorful, lonelier and quieter (without you). trying to get used to the new lifestyle."

--> did you know it was black and white on silent in here for a long while?

"It's natural that we still have feelings for each other. The tough decision was made and we've survived thru (sic) the toughest/saddest days. I look forward to be frens (sic) - that's what we were before. It's very hard for me to say these, but I had to.

--> they say it's survival of the fittest. at the rate my heart survived death, i'd say it's more broken than fit.

"Our path has brought us here. It's painful. Fate may bring us together again in future, who knows. Now, (there's) no point when the problem will still creep (back) up."

--> Fate, is a game destiny plays. Turn it around, and I find love.

"I pray for strength and peace for you, and health for your parents"

--> and you, in my prayer, as i breathe my last to sleep.

words of promise

I never really liked pink except when i'm feeling like punk-rock. This song however gets to me in whatever mood I'm in ;)

~ I don't believe you ~

I don’t mind it
I don’t mind at all
It’s like you’re the swing set
And I’m the kid that falls
It’s like the way we fight
The times I’ve cried
We come to blows
And every night
The passion’s there
So it’s got to be right
Right?

No I don’t believe you
When you say don’t come around here no more
I won’t remind you
You said we wouldn’t be apart
No I don’t believe you
When you say you don’t need me anymore
So don’t pretend to
Not love me at all

I still don’t mind at all
It’s like one of those bad dreams
When you can’t wake up
It’s like you’ve given up
You’ve had enough
But I want more
No I won't stop
Because I just know
You’ll come around
Right?

No I don’t believe you
When you say don’t come around here no more
I won’t remind you
You said we wouldn’t be apart
No I don’t believe you
When you say you don’t need me anymore
So don’t pretend to
Not love me at all

Just don’t stand there and watch me fall
Because I, because I still don’t mind at all

It’s like the way we fight
The times I’ve cried
We come to blows
And every night
The passions there
So it’s got to be right,
Right?

No I don’t believe you
When you say don’t come around here no more
I won’t remind you
You said we wouldn’t be apart
No I don’t believe you
When you say you don’t need me anymore
So don’t pretend to
Not love me at all

I don’t believe you

can't smile without you...

slowly invading my mind during dinnertime was a song that sounds too great to reject...

i kept humming but couldn't place my finger on the song name, nor the movie i heard it in..

thanks to my all-time favourite trawler...i'm glad to present you with...Barry Manilow from Hellboy! haha...

~Can't smile without you~

You know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh, and I can't sleep
I don't even talk to people I meet
And I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
And you must know what I'm goin' thru
I just can't smile, without you

You came along just like a song
You brightened my day
Who'd believe you were part of a dream
That only seemed light years away

And you know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
And you must know what I'm goin' thru
I just can't smile, without you

Some people say the happiness wave
Is somethin' that's hard to find
Into the new leavin' the old behind me
And I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
And you must know what I'm goin' thru
I just can't smile, without you

Into the new, leaving the old behind me
And I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
And you must know what I'm goin' thru
I just can't smile, without you

You must know what I'm goin' thru
I just can't smile, without you

Halloween

This entry has nothing to do with Halloween. Well, almost.

Almost nothing to do with Halloween - except for the fact I was coerced into dressing as one of the Lord of the Rings character by my dear partners in crime at the D&D. And guess what, it turned out that I resembled a Matrix character more than a character out of Lord of the Rings... so I just brought along my sunnies and voila! I'm Matrix character of the night. Michelle C's cousin commented my hair wasn't slicked back enough. But I thought it was good enough - given it was a last minute kinda gig. :p

Oct has been an eventful month. Pending big news. Confirmed news include my new s* who is now 2 weeks old. As for the rest...let's just see what comes. I don't know what to feel, the situation's kinda weird, so I won't talk about it either...

What else is new in Oct? Oh, I'm officially in my last year of 20-s. So sayonara big 2-0. And welcome - small 3-0 :p

Oh! And I experienced the passing of Typhoon Melor in Japan. Apparently, according to the streaming katakana and hirgana on TV, we were in the Eye of the storm. But....there was really not much excitement and (thankfully) no bodily hurt.

We only got the electricity cut off a few times, saw fallen branches, bikes, overturned brollies and lotsa fallen (albeit reluctantly) leaves. We also suffered the inconvenience of strong wind and rain for a couple of days before the big-T.

Well, that pretty much summarises what has happened in the last month. I'm just looking forward to Nov, because...it's one month away from all the holiday cheer! ;)

I'm ticking off demerits...

...Even before we meet.

Why?

One says [gender-sensitive] needs to be at work, so [gender-sensitive] can't make it any earlier. Er, you still value your job? Why are you looking then??

Another says [gender-sensitive]'s working nearby and will drop by where convenient for [gender-sensitive]. Obviously, [gender-sensitive] does not want to waste [gender-sensitive] leave right???

OMG. I thought this is an employer's market??? I don't rememeber ever requesting for my to-be employer to accomodate me.

I'm not desperate here you know. My HR is damn useless at negotiating. No wonder he gets pushed around by the candidates. Who the hell reveals upperend to the candidate??

Oh well, if I want to portray a picture of a good boss, I've to make sacrifaces.

At the very least, I could go back and give the offer to "#1 with personnel issues".

my new resolution

I've been busy of late. Real busy.

I remember that my new year resolution last year (?) was to do right things the right way. And Kimono sent me a really good article. It's really timely...I need a good laugh! :D

PS: Can I really do that for my first cut? :p

HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE RIGHT JOB?

Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window.

Then send 2 or 3 candidates in
The room and close the door.

Leave them alone and come back,
After 6 hours and then analyze the situation.

If they are counting the Bricks,
Put them in the accounts department.

If they are recounting them,
Put them in auditing.

If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks,
put them in engineering.

If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order,
put them in planning.

If they are throwing the bricks at each other,
put them in operations.

If they are sleeping,
Put them in security.

If they have broken the bricks into pieces,
put them in information technology.

If they are sitting idle,
Put them in human resources.

If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved,
Put them in sales.

If they have already left for the day,
Put them in marketing.

If they are staring out of the window,
Put them on strategic planning.

And then last but not least.



If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved, congratulate them and put them in Top Management.

Trawled-it!

I was reading a news article @ TODAYonline when I got curious at the journalist who penned it. Well, not coz the article was very captivating (it was well-written though). Neither was I interested in her identity...coz I have long learnt that she was one of my primary school crushes :p

I was curious at how far she was entrenched in journalisim. And so, I fired up my friendly trawler and keyed in her name. Lo and behold! Numerous articles of hers came up. I also learnt that she was awarded Best *** Article twice in 2008. She was subsequently promoted in Dec 2008.

As I was closing out on my trawling, I noticed a small Catholic church's PDF article - a simple itinery of one particular Sunday Service. At the 10am mark, it said "Wedding mass of *** and ***". Ah...this was the juicy part. She IS married to the Editor of TODAY.

Now we know how far entrenched she is in journalism ;)

taylor swift

No one should make her cry like that...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQDR8qTn2O8

- white horse -

Say you're sorry
That face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
And I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on
And days drag on
Stupid girl, I should have known, I should have known

[Chorus]
That I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

Maybe I was naive
Got lost in your eyes and never really had a chance
My mistake I didn't know to be in love
You had to fight to have the upper hand
I had so many dreams about you and me
Happy endings,
Now I know

[Chorus]

And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness
Begging for me
Just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappearing now
And it's too late for you and your white horse
Now it's too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Try and catch me now
Oh, it's too late
To catch me now

nice pictures

It nice it happen to you. Like you come to the island and you had a holiday, sun didn't burn you red-red, just brown, you sleep and no mosquito eat you. But trut' is, it bound to happen, if you stay long enough. So take dat nice picture home wit' you, but don' be fooled. We lonely here mostly, too. If we lucky, maybe we got some nice pictures to take wit’ us.

- meet joe black (in jamaican)

No atheist in the midst of a storm

After his recent victorious win, all eyes are on Obama to resolve the World's next greatest financial crisis - besides the Great Depression.

Before we speculate on his to-be-proven capability, here's my theory on why Obama got elected. Well, of course, other than the obvious disappointment Americans have for the Bush Administration. First, a story needs to be told.

- Once upon a time, there was a dying Atheist. His family members were staunch Catholics, and were trying desperately to "convert" him before his last breath.

One night, Satan visted him. Satan said: My boy, I'm a fairly diplomatic person. Hence, I will not sell Hell to you. I will paint you a picture of both Heaven and Hell, so that you can make a wise choice.

Heaven...well, Heaven is a nice place, peaceful yeah, and filled with lotsa clouds. If you were to go to Heaven, you will be sitting on clouds and playing the harp all day long. Kinda boring huh?

As for Hell, let me tell you, we are all having a hell of a time there! It's filled with casinos, clubs, women, wine, good food, sex and plenty of fun. I can assure you of a great time if you were to choose Hell!

Believing Satan's words, the dying Atheist chose Hell. Not long after, he breathed his last and descended into Hell. To his dismay, he saw only lotsa fire, burning souls and crying. He cried out: Why oh why?? I thought Satan said Hell was a great place filled with pleasures??

At this moment, Satan appeared to him and said: My boy, what you are seeing now...is the reality. Back on Earth...I was only CAMPAIGNING :p -

Truth is, the reality is really bleak now. Obama has at most 8 years to work on the financial, racial and environmental breakdown. Kudos to him if he can dunk one by the end of his terms.

mysterious woods

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep
But I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep
And miles to go before I sleep.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -- I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.

A name, my name

After reading the article on Sunday's ST, we were playfully pondering on a name I could take on if I were one of them.

Sifting through the many "F's", I realised there weren't many nice names that start with F. So I off-handedly said: I don't think I will change my name lah, because...And I stopped short.

I guess I wanted to say: because it's one of the nicer name that starts with "F". But no.

It's because you gave me my name. You wanted me to be a happy person.

I don't think I will change my name...because you gave me my name, Aunt A.

Tell me where it hurts

Barely a week from Aunt A's demise, I heard a song late one night. Reeling from yet avoiding the loss, it made me feel weak. The simple yet sincere singing touched my heart.

Someone missed telling me that Aunt A called for me in her last moments. In the midst of all the grief and confusion, I do not blame anyone. My heart ached more.

Realisation hit me. While time is on my side, I should live my worth, give my best, and love my all. I do not want to regret what I missed out.

That having said...I'm still a coward in many senses. I can only hope that I will be able to make the good times last longer, give as much as my heart allows, and love as selflessly as possible.

~It takes a lot to fall for someone. But it takes more for the same someone to stay by your side when you eventually fall~ Fishy

__________________________________________________________

-Tell me where it hurts-

Why is that sad look in your eyes
Why are you crying
Tell me now, tell me now
Tell me, why you're feelin' this way
I hate to see you so down, oh baby

Is it your heart
Oh, that's breakin' all in pieces
Makin' you cry
Makin' you feel blue
Is there anything that I can do

Why don't you tell me where it hurts now, baby
And I'll do my best to make it better
Yes, I'll do my best to make those tears all go away
Just tell me where it hurts now, tell me
And I love you with a love so tender
Oh and if you let me stay
I'll love all of the hurt away

Where are all those tears coming from
Why are they falling
Somebody, somebody, somebody left your heart in the cold
You just need somebody to hold on, baby

Give me a chance to put back all the pieces
Take your broken heart
Make it just like new
There's so many things that I can do

Why don't you tell me where it hurts now, baby
And I'll do my best to make it better
Yes, I'll do my best to make those tears all go away
Just tell me where it hurts now, tell me
And I love you with a love so tender
Oh and if you let me stay
I'll love all of the hurt away

Eulogy for aunt A...

A call came in on 20 July 2008, 2:30am. I was not asleep yet. I opened my door and Empress Dowager was crying. It's really goodbye for now.

I waited while things got arranged. The kids were hurdling around. C asked me what happened. I did not know how to break the news.

When I finally saw you through the small glass window, still, souless...reality set in. Flashbacks to the last time I saw you smiling, talking and eating. WHY...I do not understand why. There were worst cases that pulled through. Your kindness does not deserve such an ending.

As the world continues to revolve, time stood still for all who care.

I know I should not grieve. I know that you are in a beautiful and painless place now. I know that you need morphine no more.

You have lived a short but meaningful life. I know that A will continue the journey for you. In time to come, she will be as kind and as beautiful as you were.

God bless your final journey aunt A...

Developing gynephobia

I have a distant acquaintance who just announced today she's getting married. Approximately 5 months ago, she was still hesitating if she should accept her to-be-husband as a boyfriend. I remember she even commented about his lack of looks back then.

I couldn't believe my ears. Are all girls so unpredictable? Why are girls sometimes so unfathomable? Maybe I just don't get it.

She can be lukewarm in one minute, while in another, she looks so happy being with you. In one second, she sounds happy chatting with you. In another, she seems like miles away. SIGH.

The best part is, you never know what she feels. That's why speculation can't work for me. It's either a do, or simply die waiting for the truth...

I always get told off by my friends that given my identity, they expect muar to be less thick skulled. :( I choose to think that I have a perpetual headgear on...hindering my feline senses.

Nevertheless..at the end of the day, the infallible pull from the unfathomable fairer sex will always triumph over the developing gynephobia :p

dinners that almost didn't ring the bell

SL asked for my blog addy yesterday, saying that her new lappie didn't have my blog addy as fav. A moment later, she exclaimed: why is it full of chinese songs??

Ok, so here I am...back again, trying to do some writing.

***

Work is crazy. As always. People mgmt is never easy. As Dad always say, it's easier to be a single contributor. I think he secretly wishes for that. Ok, maybe it's not such a secret since he says it out loud. Anyway, I will still have to give it a shot.

***

I had a splitting headache yesterday. In order to avoid the crowd and have a nice and quiet dinner, we headed to Keppel Marina - Takumi.

By the time we were greeted enmasse by the bowing staff, it was 9pm. By the time we were served our Teppanyaki sets, it was 10pm. The ambience was great though, so the time that went by didn't really felt loooooong. Of course, the salty appetiser and uber-friendly japanese waitress helped quite a lil. The salmon and beef were pretty well marinated. However, the fish oil didn't really go down too well and by the time we asked for the bill, we were salmon oil-sick :-s

The bill, of course didn't come in tiny digits too. It was pretty "fine-dining whooping" for a supper :P

***

Today is Daddy's day. I brought my Dad to RC @ Raffles, having read in the papers about it's renovation and specialties.

The first thought upon entering the restaurant is...am I in a Chinese restaurant? The decor is very simple - reminds me of a HUGE tiffany's box (go there and you will know what I mean). The staff (according to Empress Dowager), dresses like military personnel :-s The food...oh well, I think our fav Por Kee can do the same standards on a good day :P

What impresses us is their "salt-baked" chicken (which they named shredded chicken??!!). I'm glad we made a "mistake" and got to try authentic salt-baked chicken ;)

Price tag wise, it's pretty reasonable for fine-dining China. Palette-wise, Empress Dowager will let you know she will have Shang anytime.

***

At the end of the day, it's my pocket that got burnt :( But nothing's more impt than having everyone happy and enjoying time together ;)