Very belated 3-0 celebration

I celebrated the big 3-0 birthday for M today. It was really belated - largely due to her exams and work back in Jan.

Something she said jolted me today.

"I realised we do not have pictures together. You know...what we have eventually to remember moments together are pictures."

I was quite surprised. I'm sure we took pictures together. I was sure we did :p haha...ok, maybe we didn't. So I said:

"I don't need pictures to remember someone by. Maybe places. But not for people, esp. those who are still by my side."

She then went on to say that with my "black-holing" memory, she doubt I can remember how she looked. And so I went on to cite the many hairstyles she had over the years. But she was not satisfied. She lamented on the fact I do not remember her face - which seriously did not change much :*

Anyway, I willingly obliged and allowed her to snap plenty at the Korean pl, at Altivo...

I guess as we reach a certain phase, we tend to pay closer attention to what we have around us. Turn back time to when we first met, I bet taking pictures to remember "us" will be the last thing on our minds.

Ok, stop being morbid. Time to hit the sack.

手放开

我把自己关起来只留下一个阳台
每当天黑推开窗我对着夜幕发呆
看着往事一幕一幕
再次演出你我的爱

我把电视机打开听着别人的对白
也许那些故事可以给我一个交代
你要的爱我学不来
眼睁睁看情变坏人怔怔看情感概

不能给你未来我还你现在
安静结束也是另一种对待
当眼泪流下来伤已超载
分开也是另一种明白

我给你最后的疼爱是手放开
不要一张双人床中间隔着一片海
感情的污点就留给时间慢慢漂白
把爱收进胸前左边口袋

最后的疼爱是手放开
不想用言语拉扯所以选择不责怪
感情就像候车月台有人走有人来
我的心是一个站牌写着等待

我把收音机打开听着别人的失败
啃咽的声音仿佛诉说着相同悲哀
你的依赖还在胸怀
我无法轻易推开我无法随便走开
感情中专心的人容易被伤害

The game of love

If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.

Oscar Wilde

i miss you...

many a times, it's only when someone is not by your side.....then you realise how much you miss her...

The mendable heart

God doesn't hate us. If he did, he wouldn't have made our hearts so brave.

thick skull

Ok, I'm officially pissed at work now. That's because there are really thick skull people around. Esp. those at the subsidiary. Don't you understand English? Why don't you google the difference between hashing and encryption? Haven't what I said sank in? Why is your project plan so different from what I require of you?

That's it. You are going to receive a very "straight-forward" email from me first thing in the morning. You shall receive no more customer-oriented treatment from me. I'm so pissed I doubt I can go to sleep. Funny thing is, I feel like laughing at your stupidity as well :s

Big SIGH at you nincompoots.

*breathing in...breathing out...breathing in...

*fading out

love

with every relationship comes problems...and deep within the problems lie the solution ;)

lost

it's never easy
when the words don't come out right
it's hardly true
when we act like it's alright

faced with you
i'm at a loss
faced with us
it's like we've never been there

losing you
will be my greatest regret
losing hope
i rather not wish

my battered heart needs
to feel the rain
to see the rainbow
to learn how to leave the rest to fate

my resolution

effective = do the right things
efficient = do things the right way

in all aspects, i resolve to do right things the right way in 2008

silver bells

As the year proceeds towards festivity, I'm once again amazed at how fast time flies. Just yesterday, I was walking along Orchard, wondering what to buy for Xmas pressies. And today, it's time for me to do that again...

For the past few months, I have been very very busy with work - in a good way. Once my momentum is worked up, I find my passion coming back again :D Maybe I'm fated to be a slogaholic :p After all, this is the best time of my life to slog...since I really doubt if this energy and passion will last me till I'm 40.

I don't really have anything material on my Xmas wishlist this year. Maybe coz...I'm pretty happy with what I have in my life, and I dun demand much materially :p *But that certainly doesn't mean I won't want...>:)

So...this Xmas...I wish for more moola (!), more happiness and more health for myself, family and loved ones :D

Kissing you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jt-NwAA3Wvo

Pride can stand a thousand trials
The strong will never fall
But watching stars without you
My soul cries

Heaving heart is full of pain
Oooh, oooh, the aching
'Cause I'm kissing you, oooh I'm kissing you, oooh

Touch me deep, pure and true
Give to me forever
'Cause I'm kissing you, oooh I'm kissing you, oooh

Where are you now
Where are you now
'Cause I'm kissing you I'm kissing you, oooh

lost and found

The deepest memories I had of you were those which you agreed to cover up for me when I played traunt...and stayed behind with me when I was detained to tell me about your teenage years.

You who gave me your house number and asked me to call, you who didn't mind when I skipped your music classes, you...who was always so jovial.

Sadly, I did not remember you leaving the school. I don't remember why I stopped saying hi. I don't remember what happened to us. I don't even remember when was the last time I saw you. I think...we just drifted, as with most teacher-student bonding.

I thought I saw you again at the concert. That laughter, so familiar. I didn't dare to say hi..hehe. I took a gamble and emailed a Lisa I found online...attached with a husband's surname. And...to my surprise, you replied! The same old you. In fact, without asking more questions, you gave me your mobile :p

Friends are hard to come by as we grow older. Lost friends...are even harder to be found. I'm glad I found you, Miss L :D

heartbreak view

i'm aching again
i don't know why
you are always that extra mile
that special touch
that unique one

i know to keep you at length
it hurts when you can't see
can't feel
with your heart somewhere else
it's aching again

i thought of those magic moments
butterflies fluttering within
was it just me?
i thought i saw your soul
no...it's just me

you are hurting
i know it since we met
your smile i saw
wasn't meant for me, no
your love i saw

never meant to be, no

飛越在夢中

Can anyone remember the first segment of the Mystery series? I can.

And it's not solely coz of Madeline Chu :p it's also coz of the butterflies :(

I know it sounds corny, but I sorta subconciously developed butterflobia from the show...and so did a lot of my friends and fellow Gen-X-ers...

If Mediacorp (then SBC) were to pride themselves on a sucessful campaign, I bet nothing will beat their "develop-butterflobia-in-track-record-time!" initiative :p

Dazequeen just exclaimed over dinner that she's still afraid of butterflies. SL, slightly more immune, cringes only at butterflies so big that she can make out their segments and eyes :-s *grotesque!

Anyway, over the years, I have become more tolerant of them. But I don't think there will ever be a day where I can stand and admire their beauty as specimens..though I should be able to walk amongst flowers as they dance in a pair. Any numeral larger than a pair will probably send me gingerly walking away - unless of course Madeline Chu is in the area :D

PS: I can't find lyrics to 飛越在夢中...is it already obsolete? Maybe I should email MediaCorp :p

Getaway

Came across a link on short trips in US...

http://www.theshadydell.com/index.html

Looks cool...but def not on a summer day :p autumn would be just nice ;)

My 5

I have always envisioned Heaven to be a place without pain, without suffering, without hurt.....without earthly love. I have been told that we would all have a mansion of our own in Heaven. I have always envisioned that I would be lonely if I ever got to Heaven.

What if the love is so strong that it follows me to Heaven? What if I never learnt how to let go?

What if I were to meet my loved ones, only to have them leave me again?

"When he moved his head back, she was old once again, the web of lines beside her eyes, the looser skin beneath her chin. She smiled and he smiled, and she was, to him, as beautiful as ever, and he closed his eyes and said for the first time what he'd been feeling from the moment he saw her again: "I don't want to go on. I want to stay here." When he opened his eyes, his arms still held her shape, but she was gone, and so was everything else."

Love is not about how thin you should be, love is not about how pretty you look next to me, love is not about how well you fit into my arms.

Love is about how you continue to look good in my eyes, love is about how close we are even when we remain silent, love is about how I know you like your eggs done....love is about how comfortable we are just spending time together.

"With her, he wanted only time - more and more time - and he was granted it, nighttimes and daytimes and nighttimes again."

Time does not work against love, it works with love. As time goes by, love simply takes on a different form. Even when I can no longer see your smile, or bring you food, or tousle your hair. When senses weaken, memory becomes my partner.

"Life has to end, Love doesn't"

Change Agent

Being the change agent is challenging, is tough, is exciting...is tiring.

I had a tough time trying to convince VM Bimbo today. I almost threw myself against the wall. I used logic, I used industry standards, I used best practices, I used governance. I used everything I could within reasoning. She still refused to budge.

First, she told me to convince the rest of the team, more than once - to which I eventually replied, I have already. Then she said that she simply don't agree. If things have to be done, let it come down from the top. OMG. I almost fainted. I think she really forgot what delegation and teamwork is all about. If things have to always come down from the top, I bet no one would be at the top at all.

I changed my approach. I became concerned about her. "So what's your concern?" "I want to hear it, I care about everyone's opinion." Then she opened her tightly clamped mouth and quoted me 2 concerns. One really isn't a concern, while the other could be addressed.

#16 then came along, and started nodding away as I spoke. I related VM Bimbo's concerns to her, and she started telling VM Bimbo - in nicer terms - to get out of her shell, and stop being so resistant to changes. I couldn't use stronger words to remind her that we have already agreed on the action plan, so move on, and stop being such a shackle.

I'm glad that tigress and #16 have been so supportive. Maybe if my key role was to play change agent, it won't be so tiring. Instead, I'm multi-tasking like a circus clown juggling 16 colored balls.

I just hope that I would be able to catch all balls at the end of the show and bow out gracefully.

退后

-退后-

天空灰的像哭过
离开你以后
并没有更自由

想象的空气
守住我们的距离
一幕醉心的结局
像呼吸般无法停息

抽屉泛黄的日记
找到了回忆
那笑容是傻气

你我的过去
被诠释真的忘记
缺氧过后的爱情
存心的眼泪是多余

我知道你我都没有错
只是忘了怎么退后
信誓旦旦给的承诺
全被时间扑了空

我知道我们都没有错
只是放手会比较好过
最美的爱情回忆里带去

missing...

Whenever I pass by Orchard MRT, I would drift to the "missing persons" bulletin. As I gaze at the ads, I wonder to myself how and why they went missing. Were they abducted? Did they leave on their own will? Were they sad to leave behind their loved ones?

A vivid scene flashes across my mind.

White flowers, organ playing, priest at the pulpit. Coffin. I see familiar faces. Slowly, as the scene zooms into focus, I see my friends, my loved ones.

I see a few sobbing, some with their heads hung low, while others whispered in low voices. No loud wails.

Why? Why did it happen? How did it happen? I don't have any recollection of what took place. I started to wave at my loved ones, trying to get their attention, wanting to ask them questions. No one took notice of me.

Wasted, I slumped into a seat next to you. You were tearing, and mumbling. As I listen, I realised you were mumbling about me. About the times we spent together, about what you should have told me when I was still in your life. It never occured to me that I mattered much to you.

As the priest closed his speech, I see a queue forming in front of the coffin. Everyone had a white flower in their hand. Except you. You had a sunflower in yours.

As I moved closer, I see you softly place the flower on me, whispering: "Thank you for the joy you brought to my life. I never realised your stroke of humour meant so much to me. Let this sunflower represent what we had, and accompany you on your date with Big Brother."

I teared. Heart broken, wishing for more time, I turned towards the rainbow. Leaving behind love, and memories.

the day i was borned

On the day that I was borned...

I wish for more happiness, health and moola for me and my loved ones :D