A positive disposition

"With life comes hope, with hope, you will live on. Live a life with dreams, work towards them and they will come true"

This sentence sounds cliche. Maybe that's because most people have not experienced or seen it's true form. For someone who has, I have been a failure.

For the longest years, I have maintain a negative outlook on life. As much as I hate to admit it, it is true. I put on a happy front, but when faced with a crisis, I will think of the worst scenarios. I complain bitterly for what I think is the lousiest job for me, when it's not so bad if I had foresight - with all the expensive trainings. For the longest time, I lost my capability to laugh at my mistakes, to dream of the impossible. For the longest period, I hankered and regretted, without really treasuring what I had in front of me - when I thought I moved on, I simply moved my empty shell and left my soul behind. I realised finally, I need to be a better person - in love, life, and work. I should walk slower, and muse more.

There are many times where I wonder, if I were to contract a terminal disease, how would I be like? My answer has always been: I will lose the will to live on. I was not able to see that there are more unfortunate people, who have to struggle twice as hard, just to get by. I should treasure my life.

Many years ago, I thought I lost the capability to love. I did not. Instead, I stopped loving myself - almost totally. Even a dog became more important than I was to myself. I neglected time for reflection, I was afraid to face myself alone. It was different from being selfless, I simply gave up on myself. I did not know what I was working for, or fighting for. But maybe because I failed so badly in one area, the perfectionist in me wanted to find something else to succeed in to fill up the hole. With cognitive intellegence, came too strong a will to make my talent known. With emotional intellegence, I became more gloomy and cynical.

Sometimes I wonder, how different would it be, if I had walked a different route, and continued being unaffected and carefree. I may not be where I am today, or maybe because of my happy go lucky disposition, I will be a much more blessed person than I am now. I would have missed many chances, but the missed stops could lead me to the best deal at the end of the road.

I will not change into a different person overnight. But I definitely will work towards appreciating what I have (even the bad stuff), loving myself more, and living life once more with a carefree mentality.

To finish off what Spiderman's uncle said: With great power, comes great responsibilities. With great responsibilies, comes great losses. Live life to your fullest, with the least effort and maximum happiness ;)

Naruwan!

After 4 days of tiring self-planned travel, i'm back to reality ;) and "Boy, am I glad to be back :D" Everything went alright along the trip, and we managed to go to most of the places that we planned to go.

Upfront, Taipei's culture is very similar to that of Sg's. Deep down, their culture and urban landscape are highly influenced by the Japanese (who CKS had insisted on returning good for evil and maintained a good r/s with despite the horror they had done to the Chinese).

Everywhere I went, I'm surrounded by the latest Hari fashion, or the smell of Stinky Tofu. It's a rare sound when you hear sprouts of English, and rare sight when you see Caucasians. That brings us to my fav spot - Tien Mu. Maybe after being overwhelmed by a large number of Chinese and Mandarin speaking folks for such a long time, I welcomed a westernised landscape and environment. It is in Tien Mu where I found food and urban landscape and brands to my liking. Sad to say, brands in Taipei are exorbitantly priced. Everytime I'm attracted by a piece of branded item, I will do a subconscious comparison to something similar in Sg and find it ridiculously priced - even after a 30% discount :-S

Taiwan is a developing country at large. You can find many timber factories and industrial buildings spewing smoke in the suburbs. Banks, commercial buildings, large shopping malls peppered only the Taipei City Hall and Main Station region. Shin Kong, the much hyped about integrated mall in Taipei (you can find them in almost every district), is not as great as they seemed on picture. The fashion you find in them are as lowly and "exciting" as what you can find in our neighbouring country across the Causeway, and the price 4 times higher. I found Taipei 101 to be my fav shopping mall - it's stream-line interior design stands out from the elaborate Shin Kong that fails to impress.

As for the people and culture, they are definitely not as "westernised" as they seemed on the infamous Taiwanese variety shows - unless of course you are talking about the occasional "Don't phunk with my heart" blasting from their shops' stereo. 80% of them can't speak English for nuts, while the remaining 20% try to understand what you are saying, before telling you "Sorry, I don't know what's a "supermarket" :p". Anyhow, we managed to get by - by tweaking our Mandarin accent and style to suit theirs. Yet, out of 10 peeps who meet us, 9 will try to speak to us in Cantonese (which really baffled us both). Even the Birkies shop owner thought we were from HK 8- - Kimono said it must have been my fair skin that led them to think that way :p while I think it could be the way I speak Mandarin ;) - or it could be both...hehe.

To wrap it up on a short note, Taiwanese are no cosmopolites. And they are the only Chinese in the world at this moment who have been, can and will embrace the Japanese and their culture - with warmth and grace ;)

The S word..

In a short span of one week, Kimono and I managed to complete what should have been a full month's work. It was simply, "wake up, work, home, work, sleep late", "wake up, work, home, work, sleep late"...well, you get the drift ;)

In between these nights of toiling, I managed to draw up our Taipei itinery. It isn't much, but at least we have something to look forward to after such a long period of stress. Meanwhile, I have a few action items on my list:

1) Get my arse down to T * and get my server up so that it can connect to the I* in the lab
2) Buy an international adapter
3) Call M1 to check if there's a cheaper alternative to their exorbitant auto-roam/per month subscription rates
4) Cut my hair
5) Pack
6) Personal accounting for the month
7) Audit funds for IR*
8) Print maps
9) Change currency
10) Change the battery for my travel clock
11) Get my Kinetic (?)
12) Get the Armanis (?)
13) Get the pj shirt OR the guess shirt (?)
14) more shopping...(?) nah...

:p

The volatility of life

I caught up with an old friend. Someone from very long ago - when my other half still lived. There was not much change in her outlook - still as pretty, but her personality took a 180 degrees change. During the last year that I have not seen her, she got married, got divorced and developed a really strong relationship with God. Apparently, religion is all she trusts and find comfort in now. While I think it's good that she has a strong relationship with God, I feel that she has lost hope in humankind. I guess her failed marriage became sorta a booster in her spiritual path.

I still am pretty disturbed by the time we parted ways. The last time I met her, she was religiously preaching about her MLM product to me. This time round we met, she's religiously preaching about her life testimonials to me. While I'm happy for the fact that God has showered much blessings upon her, I can't help but feel skeptical about her enthusiasm towards religion. She reminds me of an exceptionally bright candle that burns at a rate far more than it can afford to. I guess my take to this is - easy does it, take things slow, and you will go far. She just gave me a feeling that she's someone who falls into things fast - and snap out of them doubly fast.

I believe that still waters run deep, be it in relationship, or other aspects of life. Of course there should be excitement and passion, but wouldn't you prefer a long lasting relationship peppered with excitement and surprises, compared to one that's filled with excitement everyday yet fizzles out the next moment you blink your eyes?

Breathing life

Over the Vesak break, I met up with a couple of friends. Amongst them, are 3 friends who have recently engaged themselves in a spat - where one of them voiced out her displeasures with the other two. Two of them shared the same sentiments (let's call them A & B), while one (let's call her C) thought otherwise. I sorta became neutral ground for them.

A & B arrived early and met me first, whilst C was coming from another direction. When we crossed paths in the underground pass, the awkwardness that ensued was pretty uncomfortable. Nevertheless, our crappy nature got the better of us, and our mood livened up once everyone started jibing at me x( (*sigh..the perils of being neutral ground)

This incident sorta reminded me of a similar situation I was in earlier this year. Within a group of friends, I miscommunicated with one of them, but did not voice out. Through the things we said, we offended one another and when we went out as a group, we hardly talked to each other. Neverthless, I kept it to myself, stubbornly believing that things will work out if she had the sincerity to be my friend. And surprise surprise, after a few months, just as I was contemplating to tell our mutual close friend about how I felt, she went through a change of attitude and was very nice to me at one gathering. From then on, her attitude towards me stayed well (*let's all cross our fingers :p)

These incidents stirred something in me. Is it always good to voice out our displeasures? Are some things meant to be implicit? When you become explicit with certain things, will the situation take a turn for the worse?

From a bigger picture perspective, should I voice out too when such misunderstandings happen between my loved ones and me? (I hear a lot of "Of course!!" in the background) But by doing so, you may incur the wrath of your loved one or upset her/him. If that's the case, are you willing to risk telling them?

These are questions which are debatable. And even I do not have the answers to all of them for myself.

Collide

Current Wishlist: Song from Howie Day - Collide
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The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know
I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

Gia

Life and death, energy and peace. If I stop today it was still worth it. Even the terrible mistakes that I made and would have unmade if I could. The pains that have burned me and scarred my soul, it was worth it, for having been allowed to walk where I've walked, which was to hell on earth, heaven on earth, back again, into, under, far in between, through it, and above.

Voila!!

After two weeks of tiresome planning, comparison of prices and tour packages, we have come to a decision. We are going to Taipei :D. Our effort paid off and we got quite a good deal to fly with SQ (though I can't say the same for the hotel, but Kimono says it's good enuf since we will be on our feet most of the time ;) ) *Sobz...there goes my fullerton...

It will be a short 4D3N trip and hence we have to plan our itinery carefully. But well, it's a trip, and we are supposed to enjoy ourselves and R&R (with R :p), so why restrict ourselves to a tight schedule? It's coz there's simply too much to see and visit. I guess what we can do is to shortlist, strike out and focus.

Many thanks to a fren of mine who came back from Taipei recently and gave us many valuable tips. I'm sure that these tips will save us much mindless wandering and wasted trips to generally undesirable places. :D We will continue to search for info on clubbing/chilling out nightspots and fine/unique dining experiences. Ahhhh...the fun of self planned trips. Free from complusory tips and the boring ol' monuments and temple visits, we will have more time on our hands to explore the more interesting places within the city. However, there's no free lunch in this world..for every fun moment that we enjoy we encountered frustrating incidents with impatient land stewards/stewardess and blur-like-sotong hotel management who do not understand the meaning of "is-your-hotel-within-walking-distance-from-the-MTR?" - they seem to think that long distance calls from Sg to Taiwan is free and we can chat with them for as long as our grannies can nag :p

Anyhow, I'm looking forward to the trip. Though it will be a short trip, the process of planning and preparing for it will be equally enjoyable ;)

The fragile prodigal son

It started as a late day. We rushed thru our project, and were not able to finish what we planned to finish. By the time we got to the Esplanade, it was almost 6pm. We settled for Al Dente, with me having steak, and Kimono having spaghetti. We got to the theatre early, but ironically we did not get the choice of front row seats. An "auntish" usher told us to go to the back row curtly, explaining that latecomers will get the front row seats. That's ridiculous, coz if you were late, logically you would block our (the early birds) view when you try to settle down. So what's the incentive of arriving early for a play anymore?? x(

I expected the play to be captivating, alluring, deep and dark. And it did not fall short of my expectations. Nelson Chia portrayed his role as a Type A, low self esteem, lonely Cambridge scholar very well. Mark Richmond on the other hand was pretentious and haughty. He added only bitterness and brutality to the play. At the end of the abuse and break up scene, I heard sniffing to my left (where the majority of the "sistas" were seated). It was indeed a very disturbing plot. But real. We know that sexual abuse among gay men are not uncommon. And cruising and cottaging is relevant in the Sg context too. But the all-time fav tear jerking plot is to have Mark Richmond portray the heartless and ignorant self proclaimed str gay, while our frail and petite-framed Nelson Chia portrayed the helpless and weak loyal gay lover.

The ending was highly predictable. With Nelson Chia going to jail to atone for his sins, just like the poor crow who left the sparrows to live alone after being rejected by his own flock.

More than one

Everyone likes to be loved. Everyone craves to be loved. Be it a young boy stamping his feet for attention, or an old granny strutting along on the street. Love is sweet when fate and time collides, and create a cupid match. However, when you have more than a star shining for you, or when you fall for someone at the wrong time and wrong place, that is when trouble brews.

Lately, there are people around me who are troubled by the existance of more than one star in their or their beloved's life. They are predominantly female, largely also because most of my guy friends are still single, and available :p A particular case got to an all-time low when her beloved gave her negative answers in retrospect of her commitment questions. This sorta triggered some memories in me.

Are girls borned as natural flirts? Or do they unconsiciously flirt and leave behind a trail of smittened-admirers due to the effect of the almighty Oestrogen? Are they behaving in a way similar to animals, such that when one partner passes on or leaves them, they have a backup to spread their genes? :S Do girls not realise it when they lead you on? Maybe they see no harm in a lil flirting, teasing, now and then. However, my condolances to the poor girl whose heart flutters everytime she sees her, or when she says something positive about their r/s.

At this point in time, one may think that I am a staunch believer of loyalty in r/s, and strictly condemn flirting. On the contrary, I enjoy flirting. I enjoy it more than any of you can imagine. However, I believe in flirting at the right place, the right time, with the right person. Just as it is with falling in love, when you hit on someone, every element present on earth plus fate has to be on your side.

I have gone thru rejections. I know how it feels to be rejected. It's not the end of the world when you get rejected. Rejections can bittersweet. The process of standing up again from your fall can be enjoyable. Esp so in the case when you perserve and enjoy a happy ending tog ;)

Diary, Dairy, aiyah...just a convenience store lah :p

A couple of weeks ago, Kimono sent me a link to a writeup on Krishnan's Dairy. Upon first look, like many others, I thought we were going to watch the life and love of Krishnan thru his diary entries. Then Kimono corrected me...it's dairy, you know, milk? Dairy..So I went huh? You mean we are going to watch Krishnan and his milk? Haha...:p

Anyway, we booked the tics and arranged to go for it. I picked her up on Sat, and we went down an hour earlier to Old Parliament House to collect our tics and have lunch. We had a lot of trouble finding parking lots - and all of the lots are so damn expensive 8- Finally, after seeking the "advice" of our tic seller as to where the cheapest parking may be, I shifted the car to the Parliament House's carpark. Well...that was a bad decision. First, we ended up paying a whooping $8 just for the 2-3 hrs we were there, and I scratched the car while reversing. Fortunately, we managed to clean off the paint at Fort Canning after that...but I felt bad that Kimono had to clean it with me and in turn got bitten by the blood thirsty mosquitoes :(

Anyhow, back to the play. In between the time when we were "chopped" by the carpark and I scratched my car, we had a great time watching Krishnan's Dairy. Nope, so it was not about Krishnan and his milk. Neither was it about him and his dark diary entries >:) It was a play about the simple life and love of Gobi and Zeena Krishnan - a matchmade couple in India, who migrated to NZ to open a dairy (convenience store). It portrayed their struggles to stay afloat as mega supermarts sprung up all over the place. It was a one-man show, with an angmoh accompanion guitarist (whom we suspect is one of the producers himself..hehe). The play was heartwarming and captivating - the ending was not too abrupt or sad either. The only pity was that not many people turned up for the play. Maybe it was due to the fact that most people went during the opening, which was a week ago. Or maybe not many Sgporeans can appreciate such plays. Nonetheless, we had a good time, peopleless or not ;)

To Him - who died for us on this very day

I teared in church today - upon seeing a video clip during a song on how He beared our sins and died for us on the Cross. If a "foreign stranger" (in many old grannies words) has so much love for us to put Himself thru torture and pain to save zillions of people after his time, how can the love of His people in this world become so tainted?

To commerate our Christ who suffered:

-God Will Make A Way-

God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me

He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength
For each new day
He will make a way
He will make a way

By a roadside in the wilderness
He'll lead me
And rivers in the desert will I see
Heaven and earth will fade
But His Word will still remain
He will do something new today

Hunger Pangs

It's been a real busy Monday. Nope, I did not suffer from any blues..but I guess that's coz I'm too busy to get affected by the blues :p I finally completed a BIG task today, and on top of that, enhancement of Project B went well. Now that I can finally sit down for a rest, I feel hunger kicking in. I'm not going to spoil my appetite by snacking though, since Kimino will be here in approximately...(*looks at clock) 10min.

While I'm waiting, maybe I can give you a review of the movie I caught over the weekend. I saw Closer on Sat night. It was a disturbing movie, be in at the start, or in the end. Julia Roberts is a woman who loves to have guilty sex (i.e. have sex with whoever she's not officially involved with in a r/s). Jude Law is a Mummy's boy who scoots off at the sight of a younger and fresher face - but I guess he got tired of younger gfs and became mesmerised by an older woman - Julia Roberts. Natalie Portman, another big name, is a young girl who has travelled from New York to Britain - to escape from her failed r/s - just to get into another one with Jude Law almost immediately after she touched down. This movie is about betrayal, love, deceit, self-delusions, selfishness, revenge and self-deception. Amongst the scandalous cast, Natalie Portman can be hailed the most pure in her love for Jude Law. Both Kimono and myself can't quite agree with the characters after the movie. Blossom told her that it could be because of our age, but I still think that it has got to do with one's moral values :p

*Phone rings..alright, Kimono's here..chat with you soon ;) Real soon.

My porky earhole and a success story

Ok...I admit, I am a very obliging person. Esp towards my family and loved one. I got a second porky from the request of my Mum. The stud was too tight, and the foreign body caused an infection. Soon, my porky became red and swollen. When I took it out yesterday, part of my inner flesh came out with it - it was mother Mary and bloody hell right at that moment (which wasn't too long but seems like an eternity while my ear burnt).

Anyhow, I swabbed plenty of antiseptic on it and stuck an earstick in, which caused sufficient bleeding to look like i have a whole new red stud ;)

Next up...a success story that I am so proud of. Engine beta is fresh out from the stove. After much modifications and frustration over the scripts, I finally completed the engine to satisfy my "customer" - which is my forgetful boss in this context. Engine beta is capable of doing what my "customer" wants and more. With my newly acquired skills (gained thru the tedious hours of troubleshooting and googling), I believe I am now in a better position to enhance my engine further and code the logic together with Kimono on our Project B.

To pay off my hard work in a small way, Kimono and I managed to squeeze in a date today :p Something different and out of our normal practice - we went late night shopping at Mustafa's, had supper, then drove around a bit to take in the Sg nightlife.

Now remind me again why I'm not positively-inclined towards Indians. Oh yah...maybe it's coz they answer totally out of context when you ask them a question? Or is it that they are simply too lazy to point you in the right direction? Could it be that they are in actual fact not as GAY as they seemed - but rather tries to impatiently bump into anyone and everything with nice big boobies? Well, I say it's a combination and addition of ALL of the above.

Anyway...it was a good date (since when do I not have good dates with Kimono? :-*) Which can of coz be better without the Indians ;)

The haunting sound of a song

Has a song been stuck in your head for what seems like eternity? Well, I happened to have that experience with two songs lately...
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Misunderstood - Robbie Williams

Trying to be misunderstood
But it doesn't do me any good
love the way they smiled at me
held their face for eternity
Now let them all fly off

When it comes down it all comes down
And you will not be found
When it's over it's all over
Even if I make a sound

I'll be misunderstood
By the beautiful and good in this city
None of it was planned
Take me by the hand
Just don't try and understand

Trying to be misunderstood
Just a product of my childhood
Still I find myself outside
You can't say I haven't tried
Perhaps I tried too hard

No excuses, I won't apologise
Or justify your lies
Come find me, tell them to me
Look me in the eyes

I'll be misunderstood
By the beautiful and good in this city
None of this was planned
Take me by the hand
Just don't try and understand

Can't forgive, sorry to say
You don't know you're guilty anyway
Isn't it funny how we don't speak
The language of love?
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Don't break my Heart - (anonymous)

Don't break my heart
Cos if you do
I'll cry forever
............
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Ok, I'm at my wit's end for the latter. Google failed me. Toni Braxton, Aliyah, Aungun..none of the possible singers can claim credit to this song. The tune is so haunting though - the singer's voice is resounding in my head as I type the lyrics...

End of a dream, start of a day

I had a dream last night. One in which I was either an illusionist or a wizard. And a good one too :) In the dream, I have a girlfriend with long hair (I really can't remember her face, only that she is petite), and I was rich - rich enough to not work. Somehow, I got bored, and I started an affair with a girl with short hair.

Not long after (how long can it be in a dream??!), my girlfriend discovered my affair, and left me. I turned my adulteress into a miniature mobile figurine, or rather Thumbelina. I kept her by my side, while I worked. I remembered feeling empty, lost and guilt-strickened in my dream. I wanted my girlfriend back very badly. I missed her like there was no tomorrow.

So one fine day (how many days can it be in a dream??!!), I went to look for her. I knelt down and asked for her forgiveness, and suddenly, I took a ring out of thin air and slide it onto her finger. The weird thing is, the ring is old and tarnished - something which has lost it's lustre eons ago. Nevertheless, my girlfriend was extremely happy and accepted my request for forgiveness-cum-proposal. The dream then ended. The ending of the dream left me feeling weird, almost to the point of bewilderment. Anyhow, it was time for work, and I am no filthy rich wizard or dream-interpreter in reality. Hence, that's how the start of a tiring work day began.

Bittersweet

"Should we not be able to spend our lives together, we shall die on the same day. Eternity shall be my witness, till death do us part."

Love is a strange thing. Intangible, illusive, overwhelming. It is the root of the greatest achivement yet the source of the darkest hatred. It is the driving force to achieve the impossible and the motivation to destroy. It is an oxymoron. It makes while it lasts, it wrecks when it leaves.

Love makes people commit the same mistake they swore not to just yesterday. It makes people go weak in their knees and live life satisfying their lover's goal - instead of their common goal. Not many people realise that love is about sharing, sacrifacing, and mutual respect. Not so long ago, a friend of mine held on to this belief: "I love you, thus I can't let you go, even if you were miserably trapped like a bird in a cage." She was blind to the fact that her partner was writhing in pain, withering in distaste and chained by guilt. She did not know the meaning of sacriface. She did not realise that loving someone means that you will do your best to bring happiness to his/her life.

Someone dear to Kimono, was not spared the pain of losing Cupid's arrow too - right after it was shot. She seems to be a pawn of Fate. Someone who could not rid the shadow of people who did not know the meaning of love. Someone who wished on someone else's star. Her pain, her tears, and her unrequited sacriface towards the other party, goes to show that this star will never love her enough to become her falling star in return.

It is not easy to find a sole shining star for ourselves in the average homosapien lifespan of 80 years. However, if we do find it, treasure it. Live each day like it's your best, like it's your last. It's not everyday that your love is reciprocrated. Most importantly, it's not everyday that your star becomes the star that falls for you in return.

Her

--- Rest in peace ---

I was waiting for you at Starbucks, you were late as usual. When you appeared, you gave me a watch. I rejected it, since you have no sense of time, you should be buying yourself a watch. You threw a tantrum, and stormed away. I wanted to pull you back and appease you, when I spotted her. She looked lost, just like when she was covered in blood, recognising me for the first time, in a long while.

Flashbacks. I see our happy times, times when I fought with her, for her. Times when we were pursued, when we were in danger. Times when she was hurt, the very time when I lost her. She went into the train station, I jumped over the gantry. She went into the train, I followed suit, like a moth to fire. She sat down, and I sat across her. She knew that I was staring at her, and when she looked at me, I looked away. My heart was pounding, could that be her?

She alighted, I followed closely behind. I see her entering a nursery. I loitered outside, not knowing if I should go in. After all, I am a dark angel. Curiosity and heartache plagued me. I opened the gate with a heavy heart. I walked the path she took, and arrived at a glass window. I see her dancing with little children, singing them nusery rhymes, just like an angel - my angel. She saw me, and gave some instructions, before coming out to face me, for the very first time. It felt weird looking at someone I used to love so much and have lost. She spoke to me in Taiwanese, I stuttered, and spoke in broken sentences. She laughed, and told me to speak in Cantonese. I told her that she resembles a dear friend of mine. I could see that she was amused, not wanting to believe me. I persisted, telling her I would like to be her friend, and extending my hand for an introduction. She smiled, drawn by my focused and mysterious air.

While we are having coffee at Starbucks, I saw her engagement ring. I asked her about it, she smiled and brushed it away. I showed her her picture, and she was surprised at the resemblance. I touched her picture with sadness, overflowing with emotions. She asked if she was my wife, and I told her that we were planning to spend our lives together. We talked till we forgot the time, and she realised she had to make a move, and I gave her a ride. That was when you spotted us. You approached her and had a talk with her. You told her that it was fate that brought us together, and fate that's tearing us apart now. You told her that I could never get her out of my head, and that even in my dreams, I call out her name.

The next day, you left. She called me and we met. She told me she will be getting married, and that she does not wish to give it up...for our fairy tale. As she walked away, I held on to her arm. I held her in my arms, feeling her breath against my chest for the first time. As we pulled apart, I pushed her hair away from her face to kiss her. She pulled away, apologising that she's not able to do it. I watched her as she walked away, into the crowd. She turned back once, and looked longingly at me. I had tears in my eyes, not wanting her to go. Just as I held her in my arms once so long ago, shaking her lifeless and blood-strickened body, crying into her hair, begging for her to come back.

With her fading into the crowd, I swallowed my tears. Hoping, just hoping that someday fate will allow us to meet again.

The overstated rest

There's much hype about the Lunar New Year. I see people rushing to buy new clothes for the big day like it's their wedding. I hear my mum screaming at me to clean up my room and the glass panes. Night markets are selling festive items ranging from $1 red packets to $10000 vintage Rolex and Omega (to which I cldn't take my eyes off =P~). My parents are working their arses off to welcome in the New Lunar Year. In response to all these, I give a tired yawn. I have not had a proper break since the middle of Jan. Migrate this, research that. All I need now is a good 5 days rest, and not a good 5 days of entertaining, putting on smiles to strangely familiar faces that I see only once a year, and gorging myself to death because my Mum needs to clean out the goodies before they turn bad.

My colleague and I were mistaken for outsiders on our way to a big shots meeting. Little wonder to that since this is the first time we are brought to the meeting by our boss. Our technical expertise saved his arse when he was bombarded countless times. In the midst of the meeting, someone brought in a packet of sweet meat. It was a Lunar New Year gift by one of the diminutive vendors. I had to decline since I was recovering from the 10 course pre-reunion lunch. I have to applaude the organisers for coming up with such an ingenious way of celebrating the Lunar New Year. But really, don't they think that a 10 course lunch is simply too much for anyone on a lazy Wednesday afternoon?

I anticipate that after the so-called 5 days Lunar New Year rest, my limbs, face and stomach will need serious recupuration and detox :p

Bumpy start, chirpy end

At the end of last week, I was in a state of despair. My biological clock went berserk coz I was working while I was supposed to be sleeping. The weather forecast didn't look too good at the start of this week either. Dark, stormy..well, almost hopeless.

I must have been kissed by an angel yesterday. The fw console suddenly came up and my rules were added. Voila! What cldn't work was completely resolved. In short, my design came thru - in an unorthodox way, with a few tweaks :p

I must have been kissed by lady luck today. I completed a test app which I had no idea of how and where to start scripting just two days ago. So far, things have been progressing from bad to better. Oh, and I won't have to work tonight. Isn't this wonderful? ;) Let's just cross our fingers and toes that the works will go fine tml so that I can go home to sleep and have a decent dinner.