calling houston...

*crackles*

houston...this is shuttle v calling. planet z's core is built on weak soil and has volatile temperature. At times, I had to walk round and round the planet just to attain my goal. The harbour we envisage from earth turned out to be a sandcastle which fell apart upon docking.

i did however achieve what i wanted here. in fact, things will be changing next week...pending big news. but what if it all turns out to be another sandcastle?

should i stay and fulfill my humility promise? over.

the standstill of time

I woke up this morning and found that my watch has stopped. 9.00am.

I asked my watch...are you too cold? I got a few um chios...

I resolved to find the same brand watchmaker to change its battery...and I eventually did...near the foot of a cathedral.

My watch is running again now...:D

standing at the intersection of winter turning to spring

I'm frozen at 13 degrees celcius without sufficient warm clothing. Uh oh...

It's wet and cold and kinda old school here...

Using my berry as my connection into the world of warmth without access to other websites...

turn right...moving on

~an inspired paragraph~

i asked my heart how she was doing and she refused to answer me
peeping in...i saw that she was broken into pieces
she said:
how could you...bear to do this to me again?
fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me
silently, i picked up the thread and attempted to mend her
with her looking like tatty teddy when i finished
i gave her a hug and said:
it doesn't matter how many times you break
what's important is you provided tlc to someone very important to me
and because of that, i treasure you
i can't see what's ahead
and i can't promise i won't break you again
but what i can promise to you,
is that you will live on
because another important someone, someday
will need you to be mended more than i can't bear to break you again...

kena poked

K's wonderful to q up more than 30min to try a "black black" dinner with me. (I think I should start singing "You look wonderful tonight"...haha) Though eventless, at least we now know never to go back again *bleah*

After dinner which left a bitter garlic aftertaste - for me only..:(, we went searching for the ulu ATM. We sillily went to the "other side", not knowing there was one within the mall. The "other side" was packed to the brim with people...and worst, there was a wedding roadshow "tented up" in our path. And...guess what?? We kena approached...again!! And this time, the salesman, seeing my nonchalence, actually "poked" my arm several times with the placard!!! OMG *slaps forehead*

Ok, I shouldn't grouse anymore and look on the bright side. :p there are advantages to looking the way I do (and no I'm not a freak in case you're thinking that. I just look good enough for wedding roadshows salesman to approach me all the time!!) haha. KNS huh?

Oh and one more thing. Jarene's sweet! I didn't expect but she really actioned on the apartments I'm looking for. :p thank you very much :D very detailed extract (?) Z / you have done. Let me see which one I should visit...

Aside to all these...I just want to write this down for my own memory...

If I were Perseus's shoes, I too, would have pined for Io (even if the hope of her re-living is zilch). Andromeda's great and pretty...but...oh well. Anyway, surprise surprise. Silly pining proved fruitful ;) I like it this way. I hope Life rewards the silly.

of fear and of faith

I got a shock today. Miss [working-nearby] told me that she just found out her husband cheated on her while he was on a 2 years overseas assignment. I wore a blank face, nodding at times as I listened to her...interjecting few short questions.

K asked me (with a slight tinge of impatience) why I'm so affected. I think she knows I will grow soft-hearted and cut [working-nearby] more slack...resulting in more shit for myself? Haha...

I guess I won't say I'm affected...but rather negatively inspired and sympathetic.

Look at it this way...if she gives up now, she will never know what it's like to forgive. By giving it a second chance, maybe it will last her a lifetime...or maybe it will end again.

Again, life is too short to start worrying or be afraid (other than the fear of motionary heights which I've been trying to overcome :p)

Applying Blossom's theory - Life is about suffering. We learn, live and love through suffering. I guess it's part and parcel of living.

Sometime ago, I wrote an entry about Blossom's suffering. At that point in time, it was really a rough patch for her...and even my heart went out to her.

Who would have expected that shortly after then, she made up her mind and roughed it out, giving love a second chance despite being hurt so terribly? I can't say she's 100% happy now...hearing that she still grouses. But at least she owns a life and legend of love through her suffering.

Fear can come knocking, unfailing faith will chase it away.

Turning dyslexic

have you ever read so much that when you hold another article up against your eyes...nothing makes sense to you anymore?

well...that is happening to me now. as i logged off my lappie at work, i hesitated at freeing the cable lock. i grabbed a printout and endeavour to read at home.

that never happened. i have eaten, i have bathed, i have attempted to grouse (but to no avail)....and here i am...sitting at my home lappie instead.

another look at work will probably drive me crazy. with soon-to-be 2 fte, why am i still working so hard? i have no idea. i just hope my boss does not end up as jerkarse-ky as the previous ones.

K seems to think he's doing fine...and will not be a jerkarse. actually, you know what? i think so too. let's hope we are both right.

what an accident...

approximately 3 months ago, my colleague TT (not durai! it's a girl) came to speak to me at my desk. she was quite animated and started flinging her hands as she spoke. suddenly, i felt her palms hit/brushed past my left ear...and guess what?? my ear stud fell out.

i never put it back in...reason being...i wanted to heal and to hold a promise...

but...everyone says it's really ridiculous that happened. K asked: how the hell did that happen coz instead of cutting you, she dislodged your stud??

haha...tell me about how the bukit timah cafe's toilet door could hit the left side of my eye first.

or maybe tell me about how while attempting to reconnect the clip-ons for my bumper, i managed to cut my arm...

the only commonality coming out of these accidents...people usually comment: what an accident!

to hold a moment in time

"I had rescued the moment...and in that way had found how to stop time and hold it. No one could take that image away from me because I owned it"

susie - "lovely bones"

sharing a laugh, sharing a life

being asked more frequent than not what it takes to grow old with someone...i don't have a cut and dry answer.

i wished i had, then this would be how i know "It's her.." and vice versa :p

however, looking to precedence, i will say that having common traits and sharing laughter are very important. why?

because, being able to share a private joke, being able to have fun with each other is what keeps you together...what pulls you towards each other.

-it's when i see that sparkle in your eyes, the joy in your demeanour, the commonality in choices...that i know it's You-

do i look really friendly or what??!

i was looking reallllllly serious and talking sombrely with K at OUBC today and an uncle came along to interrupt with the following question:

"Ey...sorry can ask where is Singtel at GoldenShoe?"

I impatiently (for once) pointed to the direction of GoldenShoe and said "should be there".

He still had the cheek to retort "Singtel leh..."

So I got pissed and said "I don't know"

Uncle!!!! Can't you see I'm on the verge of sorting things out here??? Why are you interupting me?????? ARGH. @#$$&^*&*(()!~!^$&^

back to one

how many times have you given a second chance to someone in your life?

strictly speaking, since usually i'm the one who lets my girlfriend make the exit first...i don't have the perogative to "give" a second chance. it's more like, will i chase after her diminishing mirage...?

well, honestly, so far there's only been 2 girls i've done it for. for the rest, i gave a good cry and walked away.

it happened twice for the first one (so you see...she left me twice :p). have i regretted since it didn't work out for us in the end? -> she's already married to someone. my answer is a resounding no. the times and love we had could never be exchanged for with anything.

for the second girl...well, let's just say i'm surprised i got a second try (after all, for the first one, time was on our hands and we were pretty decadent then :p). we both have quirks yet mostly happy. we are very different yet very similar. we are both afraid, but somehow willing to try (probably me more than her since i have less beauty to lose?? haha...) my more patient persona will definitely have to step in many times. her impatient persona have made some room for the scatter-brain in me.

An apt illustration of "treading in familiar waters with new boots" probably spells it for us.

Will the pair of boots be reliable? Will the soles give way and allow you to slip and fall? Will they provide you with the support and traction you need? Will they be there with you through mud and flood? Will they...finish this journey with you?

Try it - and you will know.

i love you more than infinity, the universe and Google Earth!!!! :D

blank page

Staring at the blinking cursor, I'm at a lost for words. For some strange reason, there's so much to tell but nothing to say.

I cannot recollect how long I've been going at this speed. I can't help but remember what Ah Beng said about the high flying retiree who collasped of a heart failure on the day he retired. I really need to make full use of my time - my remaining marbles.

Do I really want to continue on this way? Is this the way I want to spend my time? No matter what I do, it doesn't seem to do justice to anything...anyone...

I'll probably be the last person standing on the earth who doesn't want to cryo myself.

my heart...

does it only ache when I jog...? I now know...

leaving on a jetplane

All my bags are packed I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin' it's early morn
The taxi's waitin' he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing
Every place I go, I'll think of you
Every song I sing, I'll sing for you
When I come back, I'll bring your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
Close your eyes I'll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the times, I won't have to say

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

soft hearted and weak willed

I was having lunch with Aunty Hu at Goldenshoe just the other day...and an aunty came along and asked us to buy tissue. The de facto reaction from anyone working in the area is to "Look down intensely at their food and violently shake their head". That's what Aunty Hu did. Instead of doing that, I looked at tissue-aunty and told her "No, Thank you". Aunty recognised the difference and immediately said "Help me lah...it's CNY..". SIGH. My heart immediately softened and bought tissue from her.

I was having dinner at home and saw the last episode of 心情大动员. The old aunty featured has had such a hard life. But she perservered. She never gave up in times of adversity. At 81, she continued to do the laundry, wash toilet, cook, make the bed...etc. for her family (consisting of 2 mentally challenged adult children). She became literate through her own effort and could even read LKY's biography. (To think I never even touched the copy in my study). As though if Life is not hard enough for her, she is affected with a cancerous tumour on her face and saddled with a weak heart. To be honest, I think she's very very brave to continue living such a life. Given someone else, he/she might have given it up to Mr Forked-tongue.

Sometimes when I'm so down, I have entertained thoughts of ending it all. Now - I don't mean to say that I start fantasizing about ways to end my life. I simply wish for everything to come to a standstill and for life to pass on. And at those times, I really feel I'm too tired to continue. I think I only know of one other person who feels the same way at times.

No matter how hard things get...eventually, life goes on. In this life, all I want to be is happy, and to grow old with the one I love.

God bless my soft heart and weak will.

still...

Funny when you stop and think
time goes faster than you blink
nothing's ever like it was
girl we've got a special thing
you're the happiness it brings
is more than enough

I know its hard to believe
you're still the biggest part of me
all I'm living for
I still think about you
I still dream about you
I still want you
and need you by my side
I'm still mad about you
all I ever wanted was you
you're still the one

It's hard to breathe when we're apart
you're that sunshine in my heart
I keep you here inside
you've been everything to me
you've been and always will be
the apple of my eye

I know its hard to believe
you're still the biggest part of me
all I'm living for
I still think about you
I still dream about you
I still want you
and need you by my side
I still mad about you
all i ever wanted was you
you're still the one

If you love me
look into my eyes and say you do
I've been waiting all my life
for someone just like you
baby after all that we've been through
girl i'm still in love with you
and I want you to know I do, I do

I still think about you
I still dream about you
I still want you
and need you by my side
I'm still mad about you
all I ever wanted was you
you're still the one, you're still the one

Recollection

-Fights-

The hard thing about fighting in relationships is that there's no referee. There's no one to tell you which comments are below the belt or when to stop and go to your separate corners.

As a result, someone usually gets hurt. And it seems the closer a couple gets and the more stuff they have between them, the harder it is to figure out why exactly they're mad at one another. When it comes to relationships, what are people fighting for?

Hold my tongue. It takes me only that much to stop the hurt. Silence.

"When things are implicit, it doesn't take much to shut up and show that I care. There comes a time when silence is all I need to say I love you" - Fishy

heartbreak warfare

Lightning strikes
Inside, my chest to keep me up at night
Dream of ways
To make you understand my pain

Clouds of sulfur in the air
Bombs are falling everywhere
It's heartbreak warfare
Once you want it to begin,
No one really ever wins
In heartbreak warfare

If you want more love,
why don't you say so?
If you want more love,
why don't you say so?

Drop his name
Push it in and twist the knife again
Watch my face
As I pretend to feel no pain

Clouds of sulfur in the air
Bombs are falling everywhere
It's heartbreak warfare
Once you want it to begin,
No one really ever wins
In heartbreak warfare.

If you want more love,
why don't you say so?
If you want more love,
why don't you say so?

Just say so...

How come the only way to know how high you get me
is to see how far I fall
God only knows how much I'd love you if you let me
but I can't break through at all.

It's a heartbreak...

I don't care if we don't sleep at all tonight
Let's just fix this whole thing now
I swear to God we're gonna get it right
If you lay your weapon down
Red wine and ambien
You're talking shit again, it's heartbreak warfare
Good to know it's all a game
Disappointment has a name, it's heartbreak warfare.