Insecure

Insecuity - Lacking self-confidence; plagued by anxiety (dictionary.com)

It is a feeling one gets when threatened. When a lion becomes territorial towards his feed and wife. Even the richest and the prettiest will become insecure one day. Once, I belonged to one half of a perfect couple. Well, at least ppl touted us as perfect. She was threatened, I was threatened. Our King and Queen positions falter and crumble with every bit of jealousy and distrust driven into us. A dear friend once said: "If you really trust her, you shouldn't even be asking if you DO trust her". Good one I say. Sad to say, she lost my trust the very day she chose to revel in selfishness, at my expense, leaving me in darkness. I swore never, ever, to land myself in such a situation again.

I thrive on cynicism. I look deep into and play with human emotions, predicting my own end. When I tire myself, I sit and postulate what kinda scenario his/her actions can lead to. Some ppl say genuises are a fortunate bunch. I beg to differ. Geniuses are made lonely. Their brains never rest. Their dreams become inspirations to profound truth. Their partners leave them. Zilch.

Where then, can an average Joe with a slightly above average IQ like myself fit in? I am still trying to. And boy - am I aceing it all. By suffocating myself with one of the most stringent occupation in town. What did my physics teacher teach about going against the flow back in sch? Friction will eventually wear you out.

I'm tired. I'm spent. Maybe I need sleep. After all, it won't help to keep thinking about my predicament.